Tip Of My Hat…Wag Of My Finger

NATION!
it’s no secret, that we here at IGRO, have a proclivity toward AZN women that truly knows no bounds. that’s why we give a TIP OF MY HAT to the lovely Asa Akira for providing us with so much quality entertainment, while we were snowbound for the last coupla days. with just a bottle of Crown Royal and a packet of anti-bacterial hand gel, courtesy of Final Flesh we took great comfort in her body…of work, OOOOOH! which ran the gamut from Mr. Chew’s Asian Beaver to Asian Strap: She Fuck You Long Time and everything in between.

BUT NOW NATION!
we must also give a WAG OF MY FINGER to Asa Akira. for not approving a comment we recently left on her official site, in response to her blog, about an upcoming scene she shot for ZZ with the equally lovely London Keyes. I don’t know why they didn’t approve it. maybe, it was b/c I used the handle “Percy Handfisher” obviously, they are not fans of Xavier: Renegade Angel or maybe it could’ve been b/c I left a link to IGRO. no doubt they were vomiting up tears of confusion and disgust after reading any one of the hundreds of socially reprehensible articles whut done litters up mah blogscape.

regardless of this minor transgression, we do wish her all the best in 2010, and believe she’s a lock to win Best New Starlet at the AVN Awards next month. speaking of which, my smash hit release Hits From The Bung 2 was nominated for best Anal-Themed Release. wish us luck!

THE HOTTEST WOMAN IN PR0N!

South Bronx Paradise Diet…Envisualized!!!

do you remember that episode of Aqua Teen Hunger Force where Carl went on that diet? he ate nothing but chocolate bars, developed the ability to crawl up walls, and still lost weight. and then it turns out those chocolate bars contained parasites whut done ate him alive from the inside.

I heard scientists recently discovered a new parasite off the coast of New Jersey. it eats a fish’s tongue, and then attaches itself to the inside of it’s host organism’s mouth. finally, nature has invented a tongue, that eats for itself! of course it would suck to have one, b/c half of whut you eat would probably be parasite feces…LIFE-LIFE-LIFE

I’M IN UR MOUF, EATIN’ UR TUNGZ!!!

Snowbound…And Watching Christian Death Videos On Youtube

the mark of a good musician is his ability to carry a tune AND still find time to make out with the audience! here’s a video of Christian Death performing their #1 smash hit “Dogs” see how all the hot goth chicks go completely bonkers at the mere sight of lead singer, Rozz Williams (RIP) this guy sure knew how to work a crowd! watch him gyrate his shoulders…watch him get molested…watch him make out with a fan, and then continue singing, without missing a beat.

a lot of ppl would say that Rozz was a better frontman than Valor. and seeing as how I haven’t heard anything other than the first CD album, I agree! there are also folks who would say that Marilyn Manson copied CD’s style, and just made their sound palatable for a broader audience. who am I to say, I just report whut I done read from youtube comments!

in closing, I would just like to say this is a pretty groovy tune!

Ultimate Surrender 2.0 – Nyssa Nevers and huepow Visit The Armory

as far back as November 2008, I began entertaining thoughts of visiting San Francisco to attend an Ultimate Surrender match. when it was announced in April of this year, that Isis was returning to tag team action, I began eyeing the July match. things worked out perfectly, b/c a few weeks later, a friend of mine invited me to Comic-Con in San Diego. the match and the convention happened to be on the same weekend!

I was still balls deep in my California trip, and I had already begun planning my next trip to San Fran. by mid-September, I had my vacation time approved, and I was ready for round 2 at the Armory. but, I couldn’t make this trip alone. I brought a special guest with me…Nyssa Nevers. if you don’t know the name, you will soon enough. she is fast becoming one of the adult industry’s top bondage models. not only was she up for taking the trip, but she knew Ariel X and Wenona! how lucky was I to have the privilege to accompany an AZN stunna like Miss Nyssa, and meet my favourite US wrestler, AX!

most ppl seem to think that Vendetta and Isis don’t get enough respect, or that nobody roots for them, etc. seriously tho, I’d say the crowd was maybe 80/20 in favour of Vendetta and Isis. it stung like a fissure in my ass to watch Ariel and Wenona lose, but overall, it was the coolest live event I’ve ever been to. Holly Heart was in attendance, and was thrown in on “the loser train” in round 4. Rain DeGrey was also there, but did not participate. afterwards, I ran in to Maitresse Madeline in the hallway. Wenona came back to our hotel room to have a few drinks, and catch up with Miss Nyssa. I mentioned something to Wenona about how the van Kink uses to pick up their talent is called “The Pussy Wagon” she laughed, and said she had no idea that’s what they called it. score one for huepow! hehehe

this was my second appearance at a tag match this year. am I a good luck charm for Team Ninja? maybe so, b/c Matt has moved me up to #5 in the Ultimate Surrender forumer power rankings: undietaker, horsefly, penguinace, Wookie…and huepow! GAWDAMNIT, I feel special!

first and foremost, I would just like to thank Nyssa Nevers for flying out to San Francisco with me. it was a helluva weekend, and I can’t begin to tell you how appreciative I am. I’d also like to thank Matt for doing what he does to make Ultimate Surrender the best non-scripted wrestling site on teh inferwebz! it was nice to meet AX, and hanging out with Wenona was a definite highlight. it was good to see Vendetta and Isis again, altho this time I wasn’t rooting for them. thanks also to everyone at Kink responsible for making Ultimate Surrender the site that it is. you can join Brazzers, but you’ll never be invited to watch Eva Angelina get her poop chute plundered. the fact that you can go to live shoots, is what sets Kink apart from other sites. and that’s why I am glad to be a member, and will continue to be one, for the foreseeable future.

front row (l:r) model/producer, Nyssa Nevers; IGRO founder, Percival Handfisher; US forum legend, penguinace; actor/director Brayne Varner; noted lesbian sexfight expert, Dr. Milminiman Lanillim Swimwamly; model/US wrestler, Holly Heart; musician/Ween reference, Eddie Dingle

Vendetta and Holly Heart get re-acquainted during the audience participation portion of the match

editor’s note: no real names were harmed during the captioning of the first picture

Ultimate Surrender – S7E14 – (6) Isis Love vs. Tara Lynn Fox

the Goddess of Sodomy’s cumback tour rambles on thru Tara Lynn Fox’s bootyhole on this week’s episode of Isis Love: Renegade Chiropractor

after posting quadruple digits in each of her first two matches, Isis was only able to muster 655 points in her match with Tara. to watch the Goddess contort her opponent’s body in a variety of holds in each of the first three rounds, is truly a sight to behold! Camel(toe) Clutch, anyone?!? Isis proved once again why she is one of the best when it comes to fucking the shit out of her fallen opponent in round 4. from a fan’s perspective, it’s awesome to see that Isis is not just back wrestling at US, but still just as brutal as ever.

after being shut out in her first match by Darling, TLF makes some strides this week, scoring 89 points in a losing effort. truly, this is the most talent-laden roster Matt has ever had! and that makes it that much more difficult for the noobs to make an impact. but in a way, this also makes those same noobs better prepared for their matches for future opponents who are further down the US ladder.

if you thought Angelica Sage was a tall drink of water, wait until you see Mz. Jayden Cole! she’ll be making her US debut next week against Dia Zerva…

news and notes to quickly pass along:
Matt has temporarily removed Darling from the rankings while she recovers from surgery
starting next month, Ultimate Surrender updates twice a week! the regular singles updates are moved to Fridays, and the tag matches are aired Tuesdays round-by-round starting with AX & Wenona vs. Ami Emerson & Holly Heart

Isis Love: Renegade Chiropractor

Everything I Know About Anal Sex, I Learned From GWAR

beastiality, spousal abuse, fucking a quadruplegic’s ass with a piece of frozen shit…all hilarious topics in their own right, but only a band like GWAR can incorporate each one of them so eloquently in to a song. like clockwork, GWAR was back for their ANnuAL date at the 9:30 Club on Dec. 10.

I was kicking myself for missing on the last go-round when the world’s greatest crack dealer, Sleazy P. Martini, performed with them. GWAR is one of those few bands tho, that never disappoints! admittedly, I’m still not familiar with their latest album Lust In Space which comprised 40% of their setlist.

President Barack Obama made a special guest appearance, who presented Oderus with the award for Supreme Asskickery, right before they detonated his (Obama’s) head! Cardinal Syn made his first appearance with GWAR since the band’s 1995 Ragnarok tour! sadly, he was later disemboweled for his efforts. but as the old saying goes “you go to see GWAR, ppl die, it’s as natural as rain on a GAWDAMN Sunday morning!”

you haven’t lived until you’ve taken a huge load right in the face from Oderus “Cuttlefish of Cthulhu” fortunately, there was enough fake blood and jizz to go around for everyone! highlights of the set (for me) included “Saddam A Go-Go” “Maggots” and “Have You Seen Me” which I’ve been told they don’t play all that often. there was also an intro video “Behind The Murder” which was GWAR’s answer to VH1’s “Behind The Music”…allegedly.

I know I probably shouldn’t be throwing around perfect 10 scores all willy-nilly, but GAWDAMNIT! I love GWAR! this was my fourth time seeing them, and it was fucking awesome! the perfect complement to the Skinny Puppy show from just a few weeks prior.

it didn’t really matter that I wasn’t familiar with a decent portion of the set, b/c it’s FUCKING GWAR, and their live shows are a sight to behold! would gladly see them again the next time they go on tour!

SETLIST
Metal Metal Land
Saddam A Go-Go
Lords and Masters
The Apes of Wrath
Tormentor
Where Is Zog?
Womb With A View
Let Us Slay
Maggots
Immortal Corruptor
Price of Peace
Lust In Space

encore:
Bring Back the Bomb
Have You Seen Me
Sick of You

for a more in-depth review of the San Francisco show on this tour, go here

“from you alright, I learned from watching you!”

Local Alcoholic Questions Validity Of Stats Used To Determine His Overall Enjoyment At Party

a Decemberween party…that was devoid of Ween?!? well, now I’ve heard everything! all my friends were there, like Brooklyn, Yuengling, Captain Morgan, and Evan Williams! this was a Halloween party, so it gave me the opportunity to once again borrow one of my friend’s costume. unlike Halloween, where I was dressed as a court jester, this time around I was dressed in a convict outfit.

we played some Rock Band 2, which is seriously lacking Scandinavian black metal artists. we tried to play a coupla Metallica tunes “Blackened” and “Ride The Lightning” but the songs were unavailable. after much internal debate, I settled on Alice In Chains “Man In The Box” which gave me a chance to dust off my Layne Staley impression (RIP) we also did Soundgarden’s “Black Hole Sun” and Metallica’s “Battery”

seriously tho, would it kill the developers to throw in some Celtic Frost! at least with Guitar Hero: Metallica, you could play Mercyful Fate’s “Evil” AND you could unlock King Diamond as a playable character.

anywho, free alcohol and free food are always a winning combination in my book! a tude brah of mine brought over some fondue that was fucking fantastic! alas, as the nite wore on, fatigue set in. I fell asleep briefly, but I don’t think I missed too much. the combination of hard liquor and being up since 6:30 AM had taken it’s toll. one partygoer said that I was only able to enjoy 60% of the party, but I vociferously protested, and put the number at more like between 80-90%

I gotta ramble, you can find your own way blog-blog-blog…

Ultimate Surrender – S7E13 – (10) Rain DeGrey vs. Mellanie Monroe

the rumours were swirling all week that this could possibly be the match where Mellanie Monroe was injured. further exacerbated by the fact that Matt had labeled Rain DeGrey “a touch crazed” and that she was raised by hippies. we here at IGRO are pleased to report that there was no injury, and that the match was wrestled to it’s completion.

Rain was beaten (and subsequently sodomized) by (9) Amber Rayne several weeks back. Mellanie is the new wave Harmony. exhibiting MILF-like qualities, with a spectacular ass, and equally impressive (and natural) tig ol’ bitties! she has losses to Ariel X and Dragon Lily. with both women looking to get off the shnide, this match provided us with our first noob vs. noob throwdown this season.

Rain won 337-67, in a contest that was never really in doubt. seeing as how I have been unable to confirm whether Ami Emerson or Bella Rossi (both of whom were in my pre-season top 10) I have a few vacant spots, and slot Rain in the # 10 position. I did see Ami teaming with Holly Heart vs. AX and Wenona at last Friday’s live Ultimate Surrender feed. Mellanie Monroe was seated in the front row, and looked no worse for wear. so, the waiting game continues to find out how Mellanie was injured, and who that dastardly culprit be. btw, we also saw Maitresse Madeline sitting in the front row.

next week, Isis Love returns to flex her fists of fury against Tara Lynn Fox. DP fisting, anyone?!?

Have Yourself A Meaty Little Christmas

got it in the mail today. arguably, the best Christmas album I’ve heard since Dennis Murphy’s “Have A Merry F’ing X-Mas” special appearance by Neko Case (The New Pornographers) in a duet with Meatwad singing “Santa Left A Booger In My Stocking” Carl, Boxy Brown, Frylock, and Master Shake also appear. fans of the show and/or schlocky holiday albums should check this out.

01. Feliz Navidad 2:25
02. Hark! The Herald Angels Rap 3:01
03. Jingle Bells Deep 1:32
04. Santa Left A Booger In My Stocking (with Neko Case) 3:25
05. I’ll Be Home For Christmas 2:17
06. ’twas The Night Before Jesus 4:29
07. Frosty The Red-Nosed Snowman 1:29
08. I Sure Hope I Don’t Have To Beat Your Ass This Christmas 5:08
09. The Little Drum Machine Boy 2:41
10. All I Want For Christmas Is My One Front Tooth 3:17
11. O Holy Tonight! 2:09
12. Silent Night 3:23
13. I’ll Be Home The Day After Christmas (Hidden Track) 1:24

And The Award For Wittiest Comeback By A Customer Goes To…

so last week, I was talking with this customer who was in the market for an inexpensive camcorder. she already had a Canon hi-def camcorder, whut done records to mini dv tape. after she got done bitching at me for not carrying the battery she needed for said camcorder, we began discussing standard def. we agreed flash memory was the way to go. eventually, she settled on the Samsung CX-10. after I got done telling her, that the piece of shit camcorder she was about to purchase was not Mac-compatible, she replied with “who the fuck uses Macs…RETARDS!” ZING POW, I thought to myself as I cracked a wry smile. well, wouldn’t you know it, she returned that Samsung CX-10 camcorder on Monday.

now, me personally, I’m still in the market for a camcorder. and after much heming and hawing, I have finally settled on the Canon HF-20. or perhaps I’ve already rambled on about this particular model. it’s just the bees knees of consumer hi-def camcorders! 32 GB of on-board flash memory, 15x optical zoom, 3.3 MP for still photos, and 24p cinema mode, WHUT WHUT?!? the only minor drawback is the location of the hot-shoe mount, which is towards the back of the camcorder, close to the zoom. no manual focus either, but no big whoop!

next up, the Canon Rebel XSi! hey, who wants to buy me an 18-200 mm lens?!?

YEAH, SEXY’S RAWKIN A LITTLE HARDER NOW!