Just Because I’m Unemployed, Doesn’t Mean We Can’t Still Have Sex

the following is a message from Carl Brutananadilewski in response to something he read in Newsweek magazine. the views expressed herein are those of Carl, and Carl alone:

hey, yeah you, dingbat! I see you reading your copy of Newsweek magazine. you read that article about how guys lose their sex drive when they lose their job. well, I’m here to tell you it just ain’t true. I should know, I’ve been unemployed for the last 15 years. living off disability, when I lost the use of one of my testicles in a freak belt sander accident.

now, I know what you’re thinking. “but Carl, what if I wanna start a family?” and I would say to you “why would you wanna go and do something like that?” you think I wanna jump on top of you when you’re 8 months pregnant, about to give birth to Carl, Jr.? no way toots!

that testicle I lost controlled the means of production, so I’m basically firing blanks ova hea. but, there’s other stuff we could do to stay busy. I don’t mind doin’ a little strollin’ thru the colon, if you don’t mind a little meat pushin in the seat cushion.

are these sexually explicit puns doin anything for ya? no?!? ok, well then in conclusion, if you’re looking for a man with no job, no career goals, and is ready to bone you at a moments notice, I’m your man…CARL!



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