I Took A Monster Shit At Work Today

I only say this, b/c I try to avoid going #2 in public restrooms at all costs. I don’t even bother lining the bowl with toilet paper. I just squat over the bowl, and pray no water splashes up in to my anus.

I had drank a case of Heineken the previous nite, along with several soft taco supremes from Taco Bell, which would ultimately lead to an explosive combination. I was more or less feeling a tad bit gassy the rest of the nite.

I ate my lunch today, which was a turkey and cheese on rye, a banana, granola bar, and Sprite. about 30 mins. later I heard the first rumblings in my stomach. I tried to stave them off, but then I began suffering from stabbing rectal pains. I still had 3 hours left in my shift, and I knew I had to let loose post-haste.

there was nothing solid about this BM. my sphincter began making all kinds of hideous sounds, and I’m pretty sure the guy sitting in the stall next to me, was laughing. for dramatic effect, I began making noises like the ones you hear at the end of that Mr. Bungle song, where Mike Patton is taking a dump.

I think this was the first time in almost a year, that I had taken a shit at work. I may have actually documented the previous time, as well. in three years, I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve taken a shit at work. I just wish I had my camera with me, so I could u/l it to ratemypoo.com. I’m happy to report my O-ring is still intact.

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4 Responses to “I Took A Monster Shit At Work Today”

  1. Clint Says:

    dude. use a seat cover.

    • celticfrostedflakes Says:

      they don’t have seat covers, and they use 1-ply toilet paper. my butthole was in constant jeopardy!

      • Clint Says:

        It’s not that hard to improvise one out of toilet paper. if you need 2 plys, just use 2 layers. people who squat make messes and that’s far worse than anything that might actually be on the toilet seat. you become the prime culprit of the very problem you’re avoiding!

        …For your health!

  2. Clint Says:

    Poop conversations. Funny.

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