Local Idiot Receives Work Bonus For Job…Done

world’s greatest camera salesman, Percival J. Handfisher, Esq., was notified earlier this week, that he would be receiving a quarterly work bonus from Better Buy.

store manager Golddurn B. Taintnone referred to Mr. Handfisher as “The Whole Fuckin’ Show” of camera salesmen, adding “that boy sure does love to sell Canon cameras.”

according to the Washington Post, Handfisher finished 2009 with a 92% customer satisfaction rating. scoring highest among blacks, latinos, cougars, single moms, lesbians, and “that lovely shemale I sold an SD 1200 to.”

the other 8% in that equation are assumed to have bought Kodak cameras, BUH HUH!

“2010 will be an even bigger year for the corporate entity known as Percy Handfisher, climbing to new heights of strong-arming customers into buying certain cameras, just b/c I can.”

Handfisher had come under scrutiny in recent weeks, accused by some customers of being a Canon fanboy, to which he bluntly replied “hey, I do my research, I know what the ppl want! and I ain’t never seen a Canon camera returned!”

and while Mr. Handfisher doesn’t work on commission, he also doesn’t want to see one of his customers (esp. if it’s a hot chick in the coveted 18-49 age bracket) buy a camera that sucks.

“the worst thing in this line of work is to have a really good interaction with a hot chick, and then have her buy a camera that I didn’t recommend.” added Handfisher “I never seen so many dissatisfied Kodak camera owners!”

Percy’s next stop will be the prestigious National Besties Awards this weekend in Las Vegas, where he is nominated for “Most Sexually Explicit Sales Pitch Involving A Telephoto Lens”

lastly, Better Buy regrets to inform the public, that the complimentary salad tossing program Mr. Handfisher instituted in March 2009, as a way to get cougars to buy digital SLR cameras, has been discontinued.

“hey baby, I got your manual focus right here!”

One Response to “Local Idiot Receives Work Bonus For Job…Done”

  1. Clint Says:

    Congrats 🙂

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