Hot Tub Time Machine

the following is an excerpt from a script I wrote last year, which would eventually become the premise for the soon-to-be Hollywood blockbuster, Hot Tub Time Machine. picture it, Switzerland, 1988, and your three characters in this scene are a Record Company executive, Celtic Frost frontman, Tom Warrior, and a young scallywag named Percy Handfisher. and starwipe…

RC: “alright Tommy, that was great! how about on this next take, can u just put a little more emphasis on the word Cherry, like CHERREEEE Orchards. and maybe throw in an extra UNNHHH, at the end of that second verse.”

TW: “ok, I guess u guy knows whats u are doings. afters all, u dos runs the records company.”

PH: “stop this insanity at once! don’t sing another note!”

TW: “hey, whos are u, mangs?

PH: “my name is Percival Handfisher, Esq. and I was sent here from…the year 2010!”

RC: “oh, that’s total bullshit! the future? yeah right!”

PH: “I was groping enlightenment in the shower, slipped, and hit my head on some decorative soaps. the next thing I knew, I ended up here.”

RC: “so tell us, what’s it like in the future?”

PH: “oh, it’s a magical time, where gay marriage is legal and women can drive cars. I even have a girlfriend!”

TW: “really? is he disableds?”

PH: “look, Mr. Warrior, I’m begging u, don’t release this album! if u do, they’re all gonna laugh at u!”

TW: “I don’ts knows, black metals is sos 1984s, and hairs metal is the waves of the futures!”

PH: “all I know is that you’ll regret having done this, and then you’ll end up blaming the record company. u won’t even play anything off this album in subsequent tours, and then u call it quits.”

TW: “wait a minutes, u says wes are breakings up?”

PH: “oh look at the time, I really should be going…Percival Handfisher, AWAYYYYYY”

RC: “what the hell just happened? and why are you still here?”

PH: “huh? oh damnit! I thought I would’ve teleported back to the future by now. hey, does anyone know what time the next bus to Helvetica arrives? later, chomsky honks!”


3 Responses to “Hot Tub Time Machine”

  1. Clint Says:

    It’s still my favorite Celtic Frost album! Muahahahahha. Because it’s only masquerading as hair metal. It’s sick and sullen, the disgust is just beneath the surface. TW sounds like he’s sick on that album.. sick with a disease that will kill him. It’s why Cherry Orchards appealed to me so much.

    Okay, once I finish downloading these videos of yesterday’s Kreator show,I’m gonna check out the YouTube promo video! 🙂

  2. Clint Says:

    I finally saw Hot Tub Time Machine. Will post my review here:

    in a couple weeks.

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