Conversations With Percival Handfisher Vol. II

recently, Percival Handfisher sat down in front of his desktop computer to record a series of pointless imaginary conversations he engaged himself in, covering a wide variety of topics. the following is an excerpt of one such conversation he had regarding his views on Mother’s Day:

JCL: Mother’s Day was this past Sunday. what did you do for your dear old mum?
PH: went camping.
JCL: ahh, u took her to the great outdoors.
PH: no, I never said anything about her. I went camping with some friends.
JCL: what kind of son are you? did you at least get her a card?
PH: no…
JCL: well, aren’t you a piece of work.
PH: I mean, Mother’s Day is kinda like one of those made up holidays like Earth Day, or the moon landing, or the idea of a free market economy.
JCL: touche’
PH: it should be the one day of the year when I don’t hafta remind my mom that she’s my mom. she’ll be like “oh gawd, Percy’s coming over. I hope he doesn’t bring me something lame like a digital picture frame.”
JCL: but, I thought your mom liked that.
PH: oh, she did. but, I ended up pre-loading the frame with pictures I took of that time I went out to San Fran to watch those naked women wrestle. she kinda frowned upon that.
JCL: BWAHAHAHA…so, you did absolutely nothing for your mum on Mother’s Day?
PH: I gave her the gift of laugh.
JCL: ack, I know where this is going.
PH: yeah, that’s right. I decided to do 15-minutes of my stand-up routine for her.
JCL: oh, dear! that poor woman. I’ve seen your stand-up, it’s bloody awful.
PH: how can you say that? I work really hard at my craft.
JCL: yes, I know, but you had a bit about the difference between ethnic Albanians and Macedonias that just went on and on.
PH: hey, that bit killed in eastern Europe.
JCL: even so, I don’t think it’s very relatable to a mass audience, wouldn’t you agree?
PH: well, I’m not willing to take it out of my act, if that’s what you’re implying.
JCL: did you do that bit for your mom?
PH: yes
JCL: and what did she say?
PH: she just kinda gave me this blank look like “what have I done to deserve this”
JCL: my point exactly. happy Mother’s Day, Mrs. Handfisher! next year, you’re more than welcome to adopt me as your official son for the day.

Karl Pilkington


One Response to “Conversations With Percival Handfisher Vol. II”

  1. Clint Says:


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