Conversations With Percival Handfisher Vol. II

recently, Percival Handfisher sat down in front of his desktop computer to record a series of pointless imaginary conversations he engaged himself in, covering a wide variety of topics. the following is an excerpt of one such conversation he had regarding his views on Mother’s Day:

JCL: Mother’s Day was this past Sunday. what did you do for your dear old mum?
PH: went camping.
JCL: ahh, u took her to the great outdoors.
PH: no, I never said anything about her. I went camping with some friends.
JCL: what kind of son are you? did you at least get her a card?
PH: no…
JCL: well, aren’t you a piece of work.
PH: I mean, Mother’s Day is kinda like one of those made up holidays like Earth Day, or the moon landing, or the idea of a free market economy.
JCL: touche’
PH: it should be the one day of the year when I don’t hafta remind my mom that she’s my mom. she’ll be like “oh gawd, Percy’s coming over. I hope he doesn’t bring me something lame like a digital picture frame.”
JCL: but, I thought your mom liked that.
PH: oh, she did. but, I ended up pre-loading the frame with pictures I took of that time I went out to San Fran to watch those naked women wrestle. she kinda frowned upon that.
JCL: BWAHAHAHA…so, you did absolutely nothing for your mum on Mother’s Day?
PH: I gave her the gift of laugh.
JCL: ack, I know where this is going.
PH: yeah, that’s right. I decided to do 15-minutes of my stand-up routine for her.
JCL: oh, dear! that poor woman. I’ve seen your stand-up, it’s bloody awful.
PH: how can you say that? I work really hard at my craft.
JCL: yes, I know, but you had a bit about the difference between ethnic Albanians and Macedonias that just went on and on.
PH: hey, that bit killed in eastern Europe.
JCL: even so, I don’t think it’s very relatable to a mass audience, wouldn’t you agree?
PH: well, I’m not willing to take it out of my act, if that’s what you’re implying.
JCL: did you do that bit for your mom?
PH: yes
JCL: and what did she say?
PH: she just kinda gave me this blank look like “what have I done to deserve this”
JCL: my point exactly. happy Mother’s Day, Mrs. Handfisher! next year, you’re more than welcome to adopt me as your official son for the day.
PH: DWAH?!?

Karl Pilkington

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One Response to “Conversations With Percival Handfisher Vol. II”

  1. Clint Says:

    hahahaha

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