Buttwoman…or Slutwoman?!?

PH: hello, and welcome to Between Two Ferns. I’m your special guest host, Percival Handfisher, sitting in for Zach Galafianakis. my guest today is adult film star, Kristina Ross, err Rhodes…
KR: uhh, no, it’s Rose
PH: ahh, that must be a typo then. according to wikipedia, you are 26 years old. did u know that in some states, you’re old enough to be my daughter?
KR: how old are you?
PH: 32…my intern tells me you’re here to promote a new movie you’re in
KR: yes, it’s Elegant Angel’s Buttwoman vs. Slutwoman starring myself and Alexis Texas.
PH: and which one are you?
KR: I’m Slutwoman
PH: are there any duties that go along with being named Slutwoman?
KR: I suppose just promoting the movie on shows nobody’s ever heard of, like this one.
PH: Alexis Texas is your BFF, do you have any idea why she still hasn’t friended me on facebook?
KR: I don’t think she keeps up with facebook. you might wanna follow her on twitter instead…
PH: follow her on twitter, yeah right, whatever that means. you kids and your crazy lingo…would u ever think about following me on twitter?
KR: ahh, you do have a twitter account, well, that’s terrific. I don’t know if I would follow you, but it’s good that you’re out there in cyberspace. how many followers do you have?
PH: only one, my mom
KR: aww, that’s cute!
PH: you seem to really enjoy anal sex…is giving yourself an enema as much fun as it sounds?
KR: not really, but it goes along with the job…
PH: because I tried to give myself a colo-rectal exam once, using a flashlight, long-handled mirror, and a speculum, and it didn’t go so well. I couldn’t walk straight for a week.
KR: I’m sorry to hear that. anal sex can be a lot of fun tho. have you ever tried it?
PH: yes, once with two female dommes, but I’d rather not talk about it…you played the role of Elaine in the Seinfeld xxx parody. what was that like?
KR: it was a lot of fun! we had a great cast, terrific writing, I was nominated for an AVN award…
PH: as you were preparing for the role, did you consult Julia Louis-Dreyfus?
KR: no, but I spent a lot of time watching old episodes of Seinfeld. the movie was based on “The Soup Nazi” episode, only it was set in an adult video shop. do you know Julia? I would love to meet her.
PH: I saw her once at a Del Taco Drive-Thru, but I don’t think she saw me.
KR: that’s too bad.
PH: let’s play a game of have you ever…
KR: umm, ok
PH: have you ever had unprotected sex?
KR: yes
PH: on camera?
KR: yes
PH: with the host of a web-based talk show?
KR: uhh, no
PH: would you think I was any less of a man, if I told you that I cry when I masturbate?
KR: I think there might be some deep-rooted emotional issues involved with that. perhaps, I’m not the best person to discuss this with.
PH: would you be offended if I unzipped my pants and whipped it out?
KR: that’s really not appropriate, seeing as how we’re still on the air
PH: oh, don’t worry about it. nobody watches this anyways…so can you take your top off?
KR: I’m not gonna do that
PH: so what are you and Alexis doing after the show?
KR: I’ve got a pretty big day ahead of me, I’m shooting a coupla scenes…
PH: would you girls like to hit the Olive Garden, b/c I’ve got these 10% off coupons that expire today…
KR: I kinda just met you like 5 minutes before we went on the air, so I’m gonna hafta decline the invitation
PH: hey, you know what would be fun?
KR: what’s that?
PH: let’s take this compatibility quiz I found in Cosmopolitan Magazine. Question 1: do you or your partner have any desire to have kids?
KR: I don’t think you understand, I’m just not that interested. I’m only here to promote my movie! and for fuck sake, can you please zip up your pants?!?
PH: did anyone ever tell you you look like Elaine from Seinfeld?
KR: …



One Response to “Buttwoman…or Slutwoman?!?”

  1. Clint Says:


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