Carl Gets A Work Bonus

quarterly work bonus came thru on this week’s paycheck! my supervisor showered me with praise:
“you come to work every day on-time”
“you generate a fuck-ton of revenue for our store.”
“you stopped wearing sweatpants to work.”
“you’re no longer offering employee discounts to customers, in exchange for sexual favours.”
“keep up the good work, and maybe you’ll get that 21-cent raise you so richly deserve!”

oh hey, Carl, sorry to interrupt your fascinating story, but I’ve got the trailer for the brand new Twilight movie!
“what, are you kidding me?!? no way, dude! I was just about to talk about how i was gonna spend my work bonus down at Funbag Junction!”
trust me Carl, this just isn’t any old Twilight trailer, this is Twilight…For Guys
“whoa, for guys? now you’re talkin’ my language!”
do you like werewolves?
“no, not really”
do you like vampires?
“nah, they seem kinda ghey”
do you like lesbians?
“hell yeah! I saw two lesbians making out at a Foreigner concert back in ’83, it was one of the best experiences of my life!”
well, then you’re going to enjoy this, my friend…

“that was pretty hot! can I come back tomorrow and finish my story?”
umm, no, you know Saturday is when I blog about Ultimate Surrender.
“oh dude, I totally dig that stuff. Isis Love, baby!”
say, did I ever tell you about the time I met her at a…
“oh wow, would you look at the time. I really should be getting ready for work. these Canon Rebel T2is aren’t gonna sell themselves, cya!”

combover

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One Response to “Carl Gets A Work Bonus”

  1. Clint Says:

    hahaha

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