Carl’s Got World Cup Fever

first of all, shame on you, America, for letting your children play a sport where you can’t even use your hands! you think Phil Simms could’ve gone 22-for-25 for 268 yards and 3 touchdowns in Super Bowl XXI, if he had to pass the ball with his feet?!? you think Lawrence Taylor could’ve sacked that horsetooth jackass, John Elway, if he had to slide tackle?!?

soccer starts with the letter “S” you know what else starts with the letter “S”, Satan! yeah, the prince of darkness, think about that for a second, America! altho, there was that really bitchin’ song by Mercyful Fate “Satan’s Fall”

you know what else starts with the letter “S”, sodomy! well, I guess since no one ever got pregnant from doing it in the butt, it can’t be all that bad.

oh, you know what else starts with the letter “S”, Secaucus, as in Secaucus, New Jersey. that’s where my cousin, Janice, gave the bass player from Foghat a handjob, back in ’81. we bring that up every year when we get together for Thanksgiving.

you can imagine my surprise when the idiots who run this blog, told me that Spain winning the World Cup, was a lock! I took their advice, and went to the bank to take out a loan. they don’t look too kindly on guys who wanna place bets thru an off-shore gambling web site, so I told them I was gonna open up my own business.

“sorry, Mr. Brutananadilewski, but you can’t open up a nuru massage parlor in your mother’s basement!”
“oh, did I say nuru massage parlor? I meant to say outreach center where I read to deaf midgets or sumthin”
“well, Mr. Brutananadilewski, I think it’s just swell that you’re reaching out to the community without a court mandate, you’re approved!”

I watched the final yesterday, and it was the most boring shit ever. the best part was when some dude did a missile dropkick right in to this other guy’s chest. nobody scored until there was like 5 minutes left. fortunately, the right team won, and sexy’s rockin’ just a little bit harder now. so to all the ladies down at Funbag Junction, Carl’s no longer paying in change. it’s singles for everyone!!!

Carl

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One Response to “Carl’s Got World Cup Fever”

  1. Clint Says:

    Congrats on your bet 😀

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