I was all set to see Triptykon (aka Tom Warrior’s third band) on Friday nite in Baltimore. there were a few issues preventing this: there were five (5) bands scheduled to go on before them…the show didn’t start until 8:00…we had to be on a bus to NYC by 12:40…for the record, Triptykon wasn’t scheduled to take the stage until around 12:45

now, normally I’m a glass half empty kinda guy, but I took a more upbeat approach to the situation, b/c I still got to see 1349 play. they are one of the best Scandinavian black metal bands on the scene right now, and they also have one of the world’s best drummers (Frost) they took the stage around 10:45, and played for approx. an hour. the issues I had heard that they weren’t very good live, can be directly attributed to the fact that Frost only just recently started touring with 1349 in the States. something about not claiming a prior conviction for a church arson that happened in Norway, or some such nonsense. another complaint I’ve read is that some ppl thought the songs blended together after awhile. I totally disagree with their assessment!

the mix sounded absolutely perfect, and with Frost on drums, they never missed a beat. their type of music is definitely not for everyone, but I thoroughly enjoyed the set. Ravn sounded in good form, stalking around on stage, doing very little interacting with the audience, other than to announce the next song. I cried out in vain several times for them to play “Antichrist Warzone” which despite the ominous title, has surprising upbeat lyrics. I’m pretty sure he heard me, b/c he cracked a wry smile, as I pointed to my hellhammer shirt.

they played two of their best songs (Chasing Dragons and Riders of the Apocalypse) sadly, RotA was the only song to be played off Manifest, which for my money is their best album, both in terms of material, and also showcasing the incredible blastbeat drumming of Frost. I’ve been digging their latest release, Demonoir, which was well represented in the set. unfortunately, due to time constraints, we had to leave during the closing number, Atomic Chapel. I would definitely see these guys the next time they tour here!

Beyond the Apocalypse – > Nathicana -> Maggot Fetus…Teeth Like Thorns -> Psalm 7:77 -> Riders of the Apocalypse -> I Am Abomination -> Serpentine Sibilance -> Chasing Dragons -> Sculptor of Flesh -> When I Was Flesh -> Atomic Chapel

Crucifixus (intro) -> Procreation of the Wicked -> Goetia -> Circle of the Tyrants -> Babylon Fell -> Abyss Within My Soul -> Descendant -> Synagoga Satanae -> The Prolonging -> Winter (outro)

by the time we rolled into NYC (Queens to be exact), I had just enough energy to eat a BK whopper, and listen to my friend complain about how they wouldn’t give him free water. the following day, we ate lunch at Magna, which is this really good Italian restaurant, located close to our hotel. from there, we hopped on the subway, and hit up the Museum of Sex on 5th Avenue. it was a little bit pricey, but if you’re only going to do it once, then fuck it. they had one floor of exhibits devoted to sex on film, one floor dedicated to STDs, and another floor dedicated to the sex lives of animals.

the animal exhibits were the best, b/c they had life-size replicas of animals getting busy. it’s interesting how prevalent homosexuality is in the animal kingdom. it’s like “hey man, u got a hole, I’m gonna stick my dick in it!” HEE HUH?!? there was the curious story of “flight rape” in the mallard duck community. apparently, a male duck will attempt to rape another male duck mid-flight. in one such instance, the duck who was being pursued slammed into a plate-glass window, attempting to flee his attacker. he ended up killing himself, but the attacking male proceeded to assrape his lifeless victim, for an hour, afterwards. the professor who photographed this encounter, later won an Ig Nobel Prize.

we checked out the gift shop, and tried out their custom drinks. being the alcoholic that I am, I was mildly disappointed that these were alcohol-free. my drink was called The Golden Blossom, it contained orange, honey, and something else, I forget. it was supposed to increase stamina…

and then there was the main attraction of the weekend, the Subgenius Devival! I am not a Subgenius, and I balked on the $30 for eternal slack offer. I did have a great time meeting Subgenii, and getting to experience something that I had heard my friend talk about lo these many years. there was live music, including Fat Free, Luke the Duke (who played awesome covers on a ukelele), an acoustic set from someone who had just been saved by Bob. I forgot his name, but one of the songs was about getting drunk in his car. and Phat Man Dee, who closed the nite with her stirring rendition of the Star-Spangled Banner, by singing with her fist shoved down her throat.

in between, there were men and women of the cloth, who gave their testimonials about how awesome Bob is. Jimbo Delimbo, Sexmortis, and Soozy the Floozy, were some of the names I remember hearing. Pope Black provided some great food for the event. I also saw a dude who kinda reminded me of Justin Timberlake. I don’t know his name, but he spoke while wearing a red pope robe. I also saw a dude who kinda looked like a younger Gibby Haynes. Rev. Ivan Stang, who is the head honcho of the Subgenius, presided over a wedding, at the stroke of midnite, on 10/10/10.

there was a bit of drama on the morning we were to leave. my wake-up call was for 6:30, and we left for the bus terminal around 6:55. shortly after we departed, my friend realized she had forgotten her keys back at the hotel. we doubled back, and were on our way again, by around 7:15. our driver informed us that he didn’t think we would make it in time, but he came thru in a big way. with less than 5 minutes to spare, we boarded the bus, and everyone could pass out with a sigh of relief…THE END!


7 Responses to “ThirteenFortyNiNecroBeastialAnalButtSexMortiCon”

  1. Clint Says:

    It’s The Duke Of Uke!

  2. Clint Says:

    oh BTW i did see the Gibby Haines looking guy later, and yes, i agree with your assessment

  3. Clint Says:

    Man, this sums it all up pretty well. The think that irked me the most… was not getting that free water. The fuckers! I was careful not to run out of water again after that!

  4. Carolyn Says:

    I believe your drink had ginger and orange in it… Mine was rose and rosemary.. Clint’s was cinnamon and something something.. Mine was good, but I liked Clint’s better. And I was disappointed that mine did not come with a stick of rock candy, and Clint’s did. But he didn’t eat it, and so I ate a bit of it, but then I ended up throwing most of it away.

    I am soooooooooo glad we made it to that bus! That would have been HORRIBLE if we missed the bus! Thank you, taxi driver!!!

  5. Clint Says:

    cinnamon & safron

  6. Clint Says:


  7. celticfrostedflakes Says:

    yes, I had a blast! thx for correcting me on duke of uke. perhaps there is another subgenius gathering somewhere in my future.

    I would also just like to correct myself, as I mistakenly referred to Manifest as a 1349 album. when in fact, it is the lead track off 1349’s LIBERATION album. my apologies to the band and their fans alike.

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