Problematic Drinking Patterns Of The Man Who Never Learns

having time to reflect over the last few days, I am once again back to the sad realization that the more things change, the more things stay the same. two episodes with alcohol that ended poorly, within the span of a week and a half. I have seen a few of my peers follow down this same path, and they never returned. I am always reminded of a man who I considered not just a friend, but also a confidant, and how he could not find true happiness in his life, even when he managed to get sober.

I consider myself to be a binge drinker. drink twice a week, and will have the equivalent of at least five 12-oz. beers during one sitting. under certain circumstances, I will drink until I pass out, or until there is nothing left to drink. I am socially awkward, and extremely uncomfortable in almost every setting. for a while, I could manage. but, I find myself falling into the same traps I laid for myself several years ago. the only difference being that I have a job, which if nothing else, prevents me from drinking on a daily basis.

my situation at work continues to deteriorate by the day. in an economy where everyone spends more fiscally responsible, added in with the increased competition, there is an overwhelming amount of stress placed on working-class stiffs like me. a few weeks ago my supervisor pulled me aside, and demanded I get more aggressive with my customers. I guess I could embrace this style, if I was a used car salesman, working on commission. I’m just so laid back when it comes to selling product. I wouldn’t really know how to be aggressive in a sales environment. if u bought a camera from me, would u rather hear me talk about the $50 extra for a service plan, or what the camera you’re buying, can actually do. I stick by my credo that roughly 92% of my customers have nothing but positive things to say about their experience. those type of numbers ensure repeat business, regardless of how much they spend.

so Friday, I figured I was in good shape, b/c I didn’t go thru my usual ritual of pre-gaming after work. I hadn’t had a drink in over a week. u have a Yuengling, not bad. how about a Blue Moon, nah, make it two. oooh, hey, let’s try out this vodka that tastes like bubblegum. might as well tie another shot on for good measure. I passed out a short time later, before bolting around 1 AM.

as I laboured thru another ponderous day of work on Saturday, completely out of sorts, I looked forward to the Caps game that evening. I met up with a friend of mine outside Verizon, and we went over to RFD for drinks. I conversed with a coupla Flyers fans, which he frowned upon. after the game, we went to a club that he frequents.

I didn’t do much socializing. I spent most of my time at the bar, nursing a beer. I struck up a conversation with a guy wearing a Skinny Puppy shirt. I noticed the guy he was with, shot me a cold glare at one point. I wondered if maybe I had done something wrong, my friend did his best to alleviate my irrational paranoia. I should also thank him for buying me an ATHF shirt at the club.

the following day at work, I had the privilege of a woman telling me to “EAT A DICK” b/c she wasn’t happy with the camera I sold her, even tho I DID NOT recommend it. she wants the restocking fee waived b/c I sold her the wrong camera. she wants to file a formal complaint with my manager, yadda, yadda yadda…

I also had a dude tell me “you could just ask me to move.” after I tapped him on the shoulder, in an attempt to get him to move. before that, I said “excuse me” twice to him, b/c I needed to grab a camera, he was standing next to. I used my better judgment and didn’t speak another word.

in my dreams, I have gotten into heated arguments with customers. I remember one dream in particular, where I was working with the customer, and they were constantly cutting me off, and saying stuff like “no, what else do you have?” and so finally, I told him “take your gawdamn camera, and go fuck yourself!” I just hope I can stay sane enough to make it thru another holiday season. after all, self-loathing and a paycheck can only carry you so far.



One Response to “Problematic Drinking Patterns Of The Man Who Never Learns”

  1. Clint Says:

    Customers are rude because they can be…

    Management pushes for more performance because they can…

    Working sucks. Which is why blowing one’s money isn’t good; it makes you have to work more. It’s why I’m not a big fan of “hey lets go to atlantic city and gamble away $1000” type roadtrips…………..

    You were out so fast at that party that I would have guessed you did do your “pre-gaming ritual”. I mean, I was there way before you, and awake way after you, so you must have drank a lot of vodka then.

    Perhaps you should set a limit for yourself. Like I tell Carolyn; her limit is 3 unless she has hours to process it.

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