World’s Greatest Camera Salesman Delights Local Hot Chick With Mort Goldman Impression

there is one manager who always likes to play the same fucking Beyonce DVD in the home theatre department. sad to say, I’ve heard it so many times over the last few months, that the lyrics have become ingrained in my subconscious. there is one in particular, where Beyonce repeats the word “HELLO!” in the chorus.

not only am I the self-proclaimed world’s greatest camera salesman, but I also claim to be the funniest person who works at my Better Buy store. on occasion, I like to break out some of my impressions.

it was the perfect storm yesterday: the Beyonce DVD was blasting away in home theatre…I was in the mood to try out some new material at work…and there was a nice chunk-a-chicken hovering around the SLR cameras.

I walked up to her and greeted her with “HELLO!” but I did it in my Mort Goldman (Family Guy) voice. I’ve only done my Mort Goldman impression a handful of times in public, but I do enjoy practicing it, when I’m feeling bored and/or creative.

well, before she could even turn around to acknowledge me, she had begun LOLing. I thought to myself, “fuck it! it’s the holiday season, I’m just gonna stay in character.”

she asked “are you supposed to be that dude from Family Guy? the one with the red hair and glasses?”
I replied, “Mort Goldman, yeah, that’s me!”

long story short, I got a few strange looks from customers in the area, including one from my supervisor, who gave me a look like “OMG, what the fuck are you doing?!?” the most important thing is that this woman totally bought into my gimmick, and thanked me for making her purchase as fun and hassle-free as possible.

as we parted ways, she asked me if I had a business card. I replied that I didn’t, but she said if she needed to come back for anything else, she would just ask for Mort. see folks, that’s what we in “The Biz” like to call “making a connection with your audience.”

New Years Resolution: have name legally changed to Mort Goldman!

memorable quotes (it will sound funnier if you picture Mort Goldman saying these):
“oh God, make sure you get a UV filter to protect the lens from getting scratched.”
“oh Jesus, with a 55-250 mm lens, u can see clear across the room.”
“make sure you get the Service Plan on you camera. God forbid if you happen to drop it in the toilet!”
“do you wanna buy a carrying case for the camera? we have ones that won’t make you look like you just fell off a turnip truck.”

Mort Goldman

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2 Responses to “World’s Greatest Camera Salesman Delights Local Hot Chick With Mort Goldman Impression”

  1. Clint Says:

    He’s a Jerky Boy, you know!

  2. celticfrostedflakes Says:

    yeap, I think I was the one who told you that, hehehe

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