Charlie’s Angels

in a celebration of Charlie Sheen, Howard Stern held a Pornstar Beauty Pageant, featuring three women who partied with the man who is all about WINNING!

Grand Prize winner gets $10,000 from
Second Place gets an LG 50″ plasma tv and a blu-ray player
Third Place gets a 16 GB iPad with 3G+Wi-Fi and a Nikon D3000 camera

Kacey Jordan is out first. Charlie paid her $3000 to hang out and watch porn. he got around to fucking her, but his dick was so limp from all the coke, that the condom kept sliding off. she says she may have gotten pregnant by Sheen, and aborted their lovechild (her 4th abortion). she got wasted the nite before the show, and Howard mentions that she looks like she needs a drink. she is letting her dentist fuck her in the ass in exchange for veneers. she once fucked a 500-lb. guy who couldn’t fit in the bathroom, and had some serious dick cheese, all over his balls and ass. dick cheese, man she was up to her knees in it, she had to use turpentine just to get rid of it. she has a puffy vagina. she claims she sold her story, b/c she thinks Charlie is slowly dying, and wants him to get help.

Capri Anderson was out next. she recently became a Vivid contract girl. her claim to fame is that she locked herself in the bathroom of the hotel, the nite Sheen went on his highly-publicized rampage. she was paid $3500 to go to dinner with Sheen, his ex-wife, Denise Richards, and three other women. Kacey doesn’t like Capri, and says she thinks Capri stole Charlie’s watch. Capri refutes those claims, by saying Charlie sent her multiple apologies via text and also offered her $25,000. she was going to have sex with Charlie in the hotel room, but he was on coke, and became violent, allegedly throwing a lamp at Capri. Kacey countered with “you suck dick for a living, and you’re worried about getting hit with a lamp.” Capri laments that the paparazzi have been following her and are also following her family. Kacey quips that “it goes with the territory.”

Melanie Rios is out last. she hung out with Charlie 20 times, and had sex with him on two occasions. Charlie is a fan of her movies, and her ass. at just 19, she is looking forward to getting fucked in the ass for the first time. Capri mentions that she stuck a finger in Melanie’s ass the previous nite, while she was sleeping. sometimes if Charlie was too inebriated to fuck, he would pay Melanie to have sex with other women. Charlie likes to watch. Howard speculates that Melanie probably got paid the most, a claim Melanie somewhat verifies, by saying the amount is just between her and Charlie. Melanie was there the nite paramedics were called to Charlie’s house. Charlie fell asleep inside Melanie during sex. Howard assures all three ladies that he would never fall asleep inside any of them. Howard said he would pay to fuck all three of them, and then spend the rest of the time watching them argue.

Kacey hates Capri, and Melanie hates Kacey. much of the second half of the show is spent with Melanie and Capri talking smack about Kacey, while putting each other over. Kacey calls Capri a cunt. Melanie and Capri both think Kacey may have an STD, which Robin Quivers mentioned was a urinary tract infection. all three starlets say they were recently tested. Melanie’s dislike of Kacey stems from the claim that Kacey threw her under the bus, by ratting her out, when she sold her story. Melanie says that half the industry hates Kacey, and that she is just there looking for her 15 minutes of fame. something about an ethics code, but then Ralph Cirella calls in to let them know they’re all whores, and they wouldn’t be talking about Charlie, if they weren’t interested in the attention.

Bree Olsen was briefly mentioned when talk turned to whether or not Charlie was creating his own “pornhouse” a claim which he has denied. all three girls say that it probably does exist. Howard mentioned that Charlie got Bree to quit porn, and then they speculated about how much she is getting paid to be with him. estimates ranged in the six-figure area (no wonder he needs “Two and A Half Men”) this interview was conducted several days before Bree Olsen left Charlie’s Rehab Centre.

it was time for the judges to vote, but no one knew what they were voting on. in a landslide decision, 5 of the 6 votes went to Kacey. Capri got a vote from Howard’s media producer, JD. Howard was originally gonna vote for Melanie, but she declined, b/c she didn’t want a pity vote. most judges voted for Kacey b/c she had that Charlie Sheen edge to her, and liked the fact that she says whatever’s on her mind. several voters mentioned they didn’t like the fact that Capri and Melanie were teaming up on Kacey. Howard says that Melanie not getting naked, may have cost her some votes.

time for the post-show interview and Capri and Melanie are not happy that Kacey won. Melanie says that Kacey won only b/c she made the biggest scandal. all three women say that their overall experience with Charlie was a positive one, and hopes he gets better.



One Response to “Charlie’s Angels”

  1. Carolyn Says:

    Kacey Jordan sounds like a disgusting human being based on your post here. Especially the part where she fucked a 500-lb guy with dick cheese.. is she that desperate? Yuck. I’m sure she did not deserve to win. She sounds like a real cunty piece of work. She sounds like a bitch too the way she was attacking the other girl(s). (again, i’m only basing my comment on what you wrote here.. I did not hear or see the Howard Stern show.)

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