Area Stoner Finds Movie About Guy Who Sits In His Underwear, Smoking Pot, and Listening To ’80s Metallica “Very Relatable”

local hippie, Leonard “Big Jilm” Brahstein recently went to the movies, the following is his detailed account:
so my tude brah called me up, and asked what I was up to. and I was like, I’m gonna make some fried peanut butter and banana sammiches with my mom for Mother’s Day. and he was like, whoa, it’s Mother’s Day? and I was all like, what? and then he was all like, huh? and then I was like, I think it was last week or somethin’ maaan! and then he was like, I wish my mom hadn’t left me in Canada, when she started following Gordon Lightfoot.

he wanted to see this new movie called Hesher. he was like, it stars the kid from Third Rock From The Sun, the dude from The Office, and the chick from Black Swan, who had her box eaten out by that other chick. and I was like, whoa, no way! was it a Taco Bell $5 box, maaan? and then he was like oh man, I am fiendin’ for some chalupas right about now!

so after we went to Taco Bell, we went to see the movie. Hesher (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) is a loner, who lives in a van…down by the river! he likes smoking pot, setting things on fire, and listening to Metallica. not the bland, formulaic, top 40 shit of the last 20 years, but the thrashier, crunchier, vibe of the Cliff Burton-era. JGL stated that his character was loosely based on Cliff Burton (RIP). Hesher becomes a mentor (with a dark side) to a boy, who has just lost his mother. this relationship leads them into troubles. Natalie Portman intervenes to protect the boy, who in turn, wishes to make sexy fun time with her (it’s all about the specs appeal!) Hesher moves with the boy and his pill-popping father (Rainn Wilson) into Grandma’s house. sadly, there were no references to King Diamond’s 1988 seminal masterpiece Them. originally uninvited, Hesher becomes accepted. kinda like that dude who slept on Dave Chappelle’s couch in that movie about those guys who were always half-baked, and their ideas were half-baked, which lead to hilarious situations. I think it was called “The Guys Who Smoked Too Much Marijuana”

there are five Metallica songs that appear at various points in the movie:
Anesthesia (Pulling Teeth)
Fight Fire With Fire
The Shortest Straw

7 heady nuggs…out of 5!



5 Responses to “Area Stoner Finds Movie About Guy Who Sits In His Underwear, Smoking Pot, and Listening To ’80s Metallica “Very Relatable””

  1. Clint Says:

    Shit, I saw that 1st image go through my google reader and:

    a) failed to realize it was a movie poster
    b) failed to realize it was Tommy from 3rd Rock From The Sun, Inception, and the most depressing Gregg Araki film of all time, Mysterious Skin

    Good stuff

    • celticfrostedflakes Says:

      for whatever reason, this was filtered into my spam folder

      • Clint Says:

        There’s a wordpress option to automatically send things to spam if they contain more than X links (where you can set X to whatever you want), but there’s also one for “automatically approve comments for anyone i’ve approved twice before”. I would have thought the 2nd one would supercede the first…. but no…

  2. Clint Says:

    I guess my previous comment went into the moderation queue?

  3. Clint Says:

    Yea, Hesher was good stuff! Glad it finally came out a mere 3 months later!

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