My Ego’s Not The Only Thing Getting Stroked Around Here

I’m on some tax-free shit by any means
Whether bound to hit scheme or some counterfeit CREAM

it was a tax-free weekend across the state, but our store put the kibosh on that shit. so many mutha fuckaz came up to me asking what was up with tax-free, that I shoulda had a fuckin’ sign around my neck that had “TAX FREE” with a line thru it.

I can’t blame them for opting out of tax-free weekend. when you’re missing budgets by tens of thousands of dollars on a daily basis, why would u want to lose even more money by having to eat the 5% sales tax. from my experience on previous tax-free weekends, a store needs to do double it’s budget, just to make revenue. needless to say there was a whole lotta price-matching going on, including on prices I was randomly coming up with in my head-head-head…

it’s not like I needed Thursday’s drop in the market to tell me that this is shaping up to be a gawdawful holiday season in the retail industry. it’s been getting progressively worse each of the last three years. I am totally baffled as to why their primary tool for determining daily budgets, is based on what they did a year ago, on that date.

I was helping this woman replace a camera that she had recently broken. she musta seen me bouncing around various departments before I got to her, b/c she said I must be the hardest working employee at the store.
in my best Mort Goldman impression I replied:
“oh, Jesus! I have very bad arthritis in my left knee as a result of a bookie breaking my kneecaps after I defaulted on a loan I took out to place a bet on a womens cricket tournament. so no, I am not a hard worker at all. don’t work hard, work smart!”

after she finished complaining about the shitty customer service, she asked if she could put in a good word for me with my manager. I told her I don’t do it for the accolades. and she was like “SRSLY!” and I was like “have u seen my paycheck? BUH HUH! no, but go ahead and tell them all about how awesome I am.”

Carl

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