another installment of the most brutal vacation series ever created is upon us! no multi-stop trip. no making passing eye contact with Maitresse Madeline, coming out of a unisex bathroom. no making with the Ultimate Surrender sexy fun time in a Las Vegas hotel room. it’s just me, my Xavier: Renegade Angel shirt, and 14 different show ideas I come up with, while watching the Disney Channel. I recently watched Lisa Kudrow’s Showtime show, Web Therapy, and gawdamn, does that show suck! even my lamest joke is better than the drivel they pass off as humour.
in other news, Whitney Cummings has not one, but two hit shows on network tv. I use the term “hit” loosely b/c success is all in the eye of the beholder. as the late Greg Giraldo once said “Whitney Cummings is here! even Whitney Cummings is like, who the hell is Whitney Cummings?!?”
I am going to do stand-up at the UCB theatre on Sunday nite, in hopes I can cause audience members to become violently ill, by inundating them with a plethora of all-new Charlie Sheen jokes. I’ve also been working on material for several impressions I’ll be doing. I’m not worried if I bomb on stage, just so long as they can say “hey, did u see that guy with that wicked Xavier shirt?!? fuck, he was terrible!” actually, most of the audience winds up being friends of the performers, so everyone ends up getting laughs…until I show up!!!
I told my friend who I’ll be staying with that I have no desire to do anything else while I’m out there except for get drunk and try to pick up women outside of the Hustler store. he said that was a good idea, b/c most of the women who frequent the Hustler store, are aspiring models/actors who would hump anything with a pulse, if it meant they could get a career break. FRITATA!!! sure enough, I’ve already developed a variation of the Mort Goldman character, which I will be debuting tomorrow afternoon at 3 PM PST out in front of the Starbucks on La Brea. I’ll also be posing as an employee at the Better Buy in that same shopping center from 5-7, with an autograph signing to follow.
I may try and hit up ZZ HQ, so I can pitch them my script for the x-rated parody of Aqua Teen Hunger Force. more than a year after I came up with the idea, I finally finished writing it. it’s the stuff AVN Awards are made of. somebody get me Tom Byron on the phone, post-haste! b/c without the porn industry, our economy would be worse off than the Greeks. I dunno if that’s entirely true, but it’s either porn, or the marijuana industry.
time to catch a float on a gloat boat. later, chomsky honks! I GOTTA RAMBLE ON…