Obama Defends Purchase Of iTunes Gift Cards

my father was hanging out in downtown Burbury with his lawyer, when President Obama’s motorcade happened to pass thru. he blasted me up on my mobile tele to relay the news. a few hours later, the world’s greatest camera salesman would have his own brush with the leader of the free world.

Superintendent Chalmers: Mr. President, I’d like u to meet Persie Handfisher. he’s one of our low-level stooges, who works in the camera department.
Persie Handfisher: so then I said to Betty White, oh gurl, those zits on your ass don’t bother me!
Chalmers: AHEM! Persie, I’d like u to meet a very special individual
Persie: oooh, is it the guy who invented the strap-on dildo?
Chalmers: no, it’s the President
Persie: of what?
Chalmers: the United States
Persie: …
Chalmers: of America
Persie: right on, brah!
Obama: it’s nice to meet a fellow hard-working American such as yourself
Persie: who me? nah, I don’t work hard, I work smart
Chalmers: look Persie, can u just ring the President up, so he can be on his way! he’s a very busy man.
Persie: what u buying, mang? a Wii dance game?!? dude!!! Wii is for TEH k!DDi3s.
Obama: yes, well I am buying it for my two young daughters.
Persie: u got kids maaaan?!?
Obama: my wife and I…
Persie: you’re married too?!? oh dude, u really blew it! if I were President, I’d totally turn the White House into a bachelor pad.
Obama: my single days are long behind me. I’m more fiscally responsible now, while still helping out the economy and my community. how about you?
Persie: I donate my time, money, and sperm down at the local topless womens shelter
Obama: ok, let’s just move on then. can I get a few of those itunes gift cards?
Pesie: whoa, whoa, whoa
Obama: can I just…
Persie: whoa, whoa. itunes?!? no way, can’t let u do that?
Obama: and why is that?
Persie: don’t u know you’re only helping increase the bottom line of those corporate fatcats? you’re not doing anything to help the artists you’re downloading, maaaan! here, take a free copy of this bitchin’ Carnival Machine Armada bootleg.
Obama: and just who is Carnival Machine Armada?
Persie: oh nothing special, just the world’s greatest Scandinavian black metal jam band. u ever heard of Celtic Frost?
Obama: no
Persie: u ever heard of Ween?
Obama: no
Persie: oh, well then you’ll definitely love these guys. they’re a cross between the two.
Chalmers: PERSIE!!! what the hell is going on over here?!? u haven’t rung up the President yet? u are the epitome of gross incompetence. I’m very sorry about my employee, Mr. President.
Obama: no, it’s alright. young Persie here, embodies the character and spunk that makes this country so great.
Persie: yeah, I’m filled with spunk, HUHUHUHUHUH!!!

COSTANZA
Persie, Sr. (right) and his lawyer, Larry Capestein, were all aflutter after meeting the President

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