noted musician, musical historian, and avid facial hair grower, Hipsterscum, announced at a house party on Friday nite, that he was planning to try his hand at stand-up comedy. often referred to as the Mike Patton of the DC area due to his involvement with numerous musical projects, he said the time was right to pursue other interests.
“I’ve always enjoyed making ppl laugh, so I’m gonna start hitting up some open mics in the area.” when pressed by partygoers to tell some jokes, aspiring agent and noted paranoid neurotic, Persie Handfisher, Esq. advised his potential client to take the fifth.
“as someone who once had sex with a woman who auditioned for a Ford Focus commercial, I think I know a little bit about show business.” Handfisher said at his weekly press conference. “all he’s gotta do is say the word, and I’ll have him performing in front of potentially tens of ppl at one of the swankier Koreatown laundromats in LA.” more on this story as events warrant.
in other news, Handfisher expressed his disappointment with Yuengling after switching from bottles to cans midway thru the party. “it’s like nite and day, bruh!” he also finished in 4th place in a six-handed game of King of Tokyo. “my goal was to try and win by getting to 20 points without attacking.” he was ousted on the second to last roll, in a brutal double elimination, that cost him his last 5 hearts. Storm von MagicMist won the game, eliminating Wrath on the very next roll.
Handfisher struck up a conversation about the latest Star Trek movie, which he said he enjoyed, but not as much as the previous one. he later admitted that he had never seen the original Wrath of Khan movie, but that he still has the MAD Magazine issue where they parodied it “What Me, Vulcan?” indeed! speaking of MAD, anyone remember when it first came out back in 1995? one of the best sketches was Artie Lange as My White Mama (also starring Debra Wilson, Phil LaMarr, and Orlando Jones) maybe it doesn’t hold up as well 20 years later, but for MAD TV, it wasn’t bad.
with the AVN Awards fast approaching, Handfisher endorsed Dani Daniels for performer of the year. he then vowed to castrate himself, and mail his penis to Ms. Daniels, if she didn’t win.