Archive for the ‘video games’ Category

Idiot Fanboy Dismayed Over Mortal Kombat X Roster

April 6, 2015

I was looking forward to the new Mortal Kombat game, despite the fact I haven’t played much of the series since MK 4 on the N64. ahead of the game’s April 14 release, they unveiled the full roster. what can I say, it’s mildly disappointing. no Baraka, no Kabal, no Cyrax, not even the guy who looks like a young Gary Busey (aka Stryker) Goro is a pre-order bonus, and they’ve already assured us he will be available for a price, at a later date via DLC. there are 29 fighters total, including four fighters who are DLC at launch, for an extra $30. Jason Voorhees and Predator are among those in the “Kombat Pack” hopefully it works out better than Freddy Krueger.

series regulars like Scorpion, Sub Zero, Liu Kang, and Johnny Cage are there, and with the timeline advancing 25 years in the future from MK 9, it’s become somewhat of a family affair. Jax daughter, Jacqueline, joins the cast. perhaps they’ll reveal who the mother is. Johnny Cage and Sonya Blade got busy, and their daughter Cassie, is now involved. Kung Lao’s younger cousin (twice removed on his mother’s side) Kung Jin, makes his debut. Scorpion became a Big Brother during the interim, and his new charge, Takahashi Taneda, joins the cast.

other first-time Kombatants include, Ferra/Torr, which looks like something out of the Master Blaster movie. D’Vorah, who is some kind of insect woman. Erron Black, who looks like a gunslinger out of a Western, and Kotal Khan, who was getting butt from Mileena, before unceremoniously usurping her from the Outworld throne. 29 is still an impressive number, and it’s probably more like 87, considering each character has three unique fighting styles.

I always have a hard time justifying a $60 price tag for a fighting game. this would be an ideal time to have gamefly, b/c I’d def like to try this out. maybe I’ll pick it up in six months, when they release the definitive addition, with all the bonus content included. I’ll predict this game ends up with a metacritic rating of 85, give or take three points.



Kleenex, Hand Lotion, In Short Supply Following Release of DOA 5: Last Round

February 19, 2015

do you like arcade fighters? do you like women with tits the size of Ethiopia? are you looking for an alternative to Viagra? well, then you my friend, are ready to get balls deep in Dead or Alive 5: Last Round. yes, in this current transitional era of gaming, where gamers are slowly migrating from PS3/XBOX 360 to PS4/XBOX ONE, game companies are quick to milk every last dime out of their most profitable franchises. for Tecmo, it’s pretty much Ninja Gaiden, Dynasty Warriors, and Dead or Alive. they also gave us the cult classic, Deception series.

Dead or Alive 5 originally debuted on the PS3/XBOX 360 in September 2012, followed by Ultimate one year later for those same consoles. Last Round is the first in the trilogy to land on next-gen consoles. it boasts a roster of 34 characters (including 2 new ones)

Honoka – an 18 year-old Japanese schoolgirl who borrows other fighters moves, and likes to assume the doggystyle position after she is defeated.

Raidou – Ayane’s biological father, who was killed by Kasumi in the first DOA tournament. he returns as a cyborg, with no knowledge of the past.

this is just like Ultimate, with the DLC already included. there are 200 costumes available at the start, and you can unlock others via gameplay. for the most hardcore of fanboys, there are even more costumes you can buy, including a bundle worth the price of a 1-year subscription to ZZ (approx. $92) there are also movies you can purchase of the ladies of DOA frolicking in skimpy swimsuits.

the story mode is approx. 3 hours long (including cut scenes) this is like an interactive Skinemax flick. you play through as various characters with interlocking storylines. one part of the story involves fighters competing in the DOA tournament. the other part centers around the series main protagonist, Kasumi, searching for her clone. it’s fairly ridiculous, and I’ll probably never play story mode again, but there were a few genuinely funny moments. the cool thing is you can go back and watch the cut scenes you’ve unlocked.

I was never really a fan of the series, as I was already playing Mortal Kombat, Tekken, and Street Fighter, when this series got started. this is the first DOA game to appear on a Sony console since DOA 2 in 2000. full disclosure: I bought this game b/c I have a fetish for Asian women, even if they are in digital form. another factor is I was gonna buy The Order: 1886 instead, but it looks like it didn’t live up to the hype (ie not worth $60)

if nothing else, story mode got me acclimated to some of the characters movesets. I’ve spent a decent amount of time in training mode, trying to master a handful of characters. I’ve been playing arcade mode (in both solo and tag modes) and I’ve barely scratched the surface in terms of learning their moves. make no mistake about it, online play is the meat-and-potatoes of this game, but I can’t use it, b/c I’m not a PS Plus member…yet. other game modes include spectator, where aspiring porn directors can watch their favourite fighters duke it out, and capture photos of them in various suggestive positions.

on a side note, while trolling the message boards, I came across the term “gainaxing” which refers to animated breasts that jiggle independently of one another. DOA is the first series I know of that had these sort of physics, and I’m sure the developers were frothing at the mouth to try them out on the new hardware. Xavier only knows what they have planned for DOA 6, which is rumoured to be out sometime next year.

in spite of the hyper-sexualization of the female characters, this is a solid fighting game with excellent gameplay mechanics. there’s a lot of stuff to unlock thru the various modes, that you don’t hafta pay for. if you’ve already got either DOA 5 or Ultimate, then there’s really no need to pick this one up, unless you just wanna ogle the women and the new “soft skin” dynamic on the next-gen consoles.

netflix: 4/5

imdb: 8/10

Ultimate Surrender PC mod coming soon!

Ultimate Surrender PC mod coming soon!

PSN Flash Sale Yields Rayman Legends For $10

February 15, 2015

I was perusing the PS4 boards over on ye olde IGN, when I read Playstation Store is holding a flash sale this weekend. I was really hoping either GTA V or Dragon Age: Inquisition would be 50% off, but to no avail. I did however pick up Rayman Legends for $10 (75% off the regular price of $40) platformers aren’t my cup of tea, and I hadn’t played a Rayman game since Hoodlum Havoc for the GameCube in 2003. everything I read about the game was nothing but praise. I’ve put in approx. 6 hours so far, and I already feel like I’ve gotten more than my money’s worth.

Rayman is awoken from his 100-year slumber to find that his universe has been taken over by the Bubble Master’s nightmares. it’s up to Rayman and a bevy of friends to rescue all 700 Teensies, who are being held hostage, across 5 different worlds. there are approx. 1 million Lums to collect, which will unlock characters at certain milestones. depending on how many you collect from each stage, you are awarded with Bronze, Silver, or Gold Cups. stages can be unlocked once you’ve saved a specific amount of Teensies. there are also 10 princesses to save, which can then be used as playable characters. you can also earn lottery tickets which can bring bonus items such as creatures, extra Lums, and stages from Rayman Origins.

the levels are complex and very well thought out, and for someone like me, who isn’t great at these types of games, can lead you to drop the occasional “F-bomb” it’s a game that’s easy to pick up, but incredibly difficult to master. one hit, and you’re done, tho I hear they’ve placed more checkpoints in the game, than previous iterations. it seems like they only give you extra health right before you reach a particularly difficult portion of the stage. you hafta complete each stage to get full credit, and sometimes there are 3 or 4 parts. aborting a run will negate any progress made up to that point. there were several stages I spent nearly 10 minutes trying to complete, but the satisfaction you get from finishing it is right on par with blowing a huge load in Dani Daniels ass. there are a few stages that are geared toward 2 player co-op, but aren’t required. but yeah, it’s definitely the preferred way to play. plenty of times I would be focused on what Rayman was doing, that I forgot about Murfy (my assistant) causing me to drop the aforementioned “F-bomb”

this is a game you could easily get lost for hours playing, with an insane amount of depth, and so much to explore and unlock. fans of the series have no doubt already put countless hours into this title, and the consensus is that this is the best Rayman game to date. this is the best platformer I’ve played since Super Mario World on the SNES. if you’re a fan of the genre, and own a PS4, this game is a must buy! (esp. at the current sale price)

netflix: 5/5

imdb: 10/10

P.S.- yes, I am aware of all the shit gamers have given Ubisoft following the debacles that were Watch Dogs and Assassin’s Creed: Unity


Resident Anal HD

January 23, 2015

Resident Evil was hailed as a landmark video game which created the “survival horror” genre, upon it’s release on the original Playstation in 1996. never wanting to miss out on an opportunity to milk one of their most beloved franchises (which has gone off the rails in recent iterations) Capcom returned to their roots with a remastered version of the 2002 remake of Resident Evil, which appeared on Nintendo GameCube.

available this past Tuesday via Xbox Live Marketplace and Playstation Store, Resident Evil HD can be downloaded for the reasonable price of $20. having owned both prior editions, I couldn’t help but take the plunge. everything I know and loved about the game has been dutifully upgraded. exploring the mansion in beautiful HD with the new widescreen option adds an extra visual layer that is greatly appreciated. all the scares from the original are intact (dogs bursting thru windows; running around the shark tank; draining the bathtub, yadda yadda yadda). the puzzles are challenging (by 1996 standards) and the analog controls feel slightly less wonky than before, which can also sometimes lead to some frustrating problems with the camera. you do have the option to play with either the classic or modern controls. I still get the same satisfying feeling of landing a clean headshot that causes a zombie’s head to explode. it’s refreshing to play a game where ammo is in short supply, and you have to decide whether to fight or evade enemies. get munched on by one too many zombies, and you hafta start using your herbs to heal, lest you become “a Jill sandwich” can’t forget the cheesy dialogue!

all in all, it took me about 6 hours to playthru. this game is a great trip down memory lane for those of us who played the original. but I would only recommend it to diehard fans of the series. I would love to see them come out with a remastered version of RE2!

netflix: 4/5

imdb: 8/10


Brock Lesnar Cuts Promo For WWE ’12

November 17, 2011

to hype the new WWE game that’s coming out on Nov. 22, Brock Lesnar, a former WWE world heavyweight champion, and the youngest wrestler ever to hold that title, cut an interview with his mentor/WWE mouthpiece/greatest wrestling mind of the last 20 years, Paul Heyman.

Brock talks about being the only man to hold the NCAA Division I wrestling title (Minnesota), the WWE WHC, and the UFC WHC. he talks about his battle with diverticulitis. he talks about how he is a better wrestler than anyone on the WWE roster. he refers to himself as the first “legend killer” he talks about how Stone Cold Steve Austin refused to put him over, and how that would be the one match he always wanted to have. when asked about whether he would be doing another F5 anytime soon, Brock replied “they can buy the game, and do it all they want.” Brock talks about his upcoming fight with Alistair Overeem on December 30, and about how his main goal is to become UFC world heavyweight champion, for a second time.

great interview for Lesnar and Heyman marks alike. I’m still undecided on whether to buy this game. not sold on this year’s Road to WrestleMania mode, as the bulk of gameplay in previous iterations, I’ve spent in WWE Universe/GM mode. reviews should be out this weekend…

Fuck Work, Let’s Play Some NHL 12!!!

September 13, 2011

GAWDAMNIT, I LOVE HOCKEY! it’s one of the few sports I enjoy watching either on tv, or in person. the NHL series has long been my favourite sports game, and this year’s edition, will be no different. I’m resurrecting Eddie Dingle, for what should prove to be an epic Be a Pro campaign. u can put your created player on an NHL team, straight away. or u can do it the fun way, and start out in the Canadien Hockey League (OSHAWA GENERALS, FUCK YEAH!!!) and work your way up thru Juniors, to the AHL, and on to the NHL.

they’ve added a Legends Mode where they have brought back some of the all-time greats: GRETZKY, LEMIEUX, BOURQUE, ROY!!! once u unlock them by breaking their milestones, u can put them on any team u like. dare I put a Lemieux in his prime on my beloved Caps, on a line with Ovechkin?!? hell, it’s probably the only way they’ll ever win a Stanley Cup.

Gretzky is still my all-time favourite, b/c the Oilers were skullfucking the entire league, back when I started following hockey in the late-80s (1987 to be exact) of course, back then, there were only 21 teams, so everyone made the playoffs, but 5 Stanley Cups in 7 years, is impressive at any level. Gretzky, Messier, Kurri, Fuhr. now that was a fuckin’ dream team!

keep watching this space for weekly updates on the future Great One, Eddie Dingle…


Nightwolf Blames Clerical Error For Accidentally Sending Freddy Krueger To The Wrong Realm

August 18, 2011

they released the newest DLC for Mortal Kombat 9, in the form of ’80s horror film staple, Freddy Krueger. really, C’MON MAN! what is this, 1987? this makes slightly more sense than the gawdawful Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe game, that came out in 2008. Marvel vs. Capcom 3, it is not.

as the story goes, Freddy Krueger was resurrected to fight for Earth Realm, but Nightwolf sensed that he was an evil spirit. after Freddy defeats Shao Khan, Nightwolf banishes Freddy to the Dreamworld. unfortunately, Nightwolf didn’t get the memo, that he was supposed to send Freddy to the Netherrealm, instead. WHOOPSEE!!!

Freddy’s Fatalities include dragging his opponent into the fiery depths of hell, and burning his opponent alive inside an incinerator. there’s also a Babality, where an infant Freddy leaves claw marks on a teddy bear, in a baby carriage. interesting to note that Freddy has blades on BOTH of his hands. I never cared much for the Nightmare On Elm Street movies. I prefer the first two original Halloween movies (and to a lesser extent, Rob Zombie’s Halloween movies) wake me when Tekken X Street Fighter comes out…


Can’t Come Into Work Today, I’m Playing LA Noire

May 17, 2011

it’s a Rockstar game, do u even need another reason to play it?!? LA Noire is set in 1947 Los Angeles (which is faithfully re-created down to the last detail) u play a by-the-book cop, who’s only interested in getting results. there are around 20 cases to play thru. your job is to question suspects, and determine whether they are telling the truth. if u succeed in your line of questioning, u can get more information. but if not, it makes it that much harder to crack the cases. this game kinda reminds me of Heavy Rain, in that it’s for ppl who like video games, but might also be in the mood to watch a movie. the acting is just that damn good, and the in-game characters facial expressions, are the actual voice actors expressions, themselves. plus, it’s the first video game to be entered in the Tribeca Film Festival. the game isn’t all just interrogating witnesses, as there are plenty of car chases and shoot-outs to get involved in. since it is a Rockstar game, the universe of LA Noire is free-roaming, and there are an additional 40 side-missions u can play thru. reception to the game has been overwhelmingly positive thusfar, with an average score of 91 (PS3) IGN chimed in with their standard 8.5. I’ll try not to get too caught up in the fact that gamers are already complaining that every line of questioning ultimately leads to the same end result (unlike Heavy Rain) the ending leaves something to be desired, but I won’t complain, since I’m only renting it via gamefly. I’m just gonna sit back and try to enjoy the 15-20 hours they say it takes to finish the game.

imdb: 9/10
netflix: 4/5

LA Noire
“well, isn’t this is a fine song and dance?”

Peyton Hillis Named Cover Athlete For Madden 12

April 28, 2011

does anyone even know what team Peyton Hillis plays for? IT DOESN’T MATTER! he beat Michael Vick, in a nationwide vote by gaming nerds and fantasy football geeks, with 66% of the vote.

Cleveland Browns fans can look forward to seeing Hillis break his hand, from accidentally slamming it in a car door. he returns for the last two games of the pre-season, before tweaking his ankle. he’s good to go for the start of the regular season, but ends up tearing his ACL, in a week 6 loss to Oakland. the Browns finish 6-10. in his end-of-season press conference, Head Coach Pat Shurmur, says “it wasn’t where we wanted to finish, but at least we’re not the fucking Bengals!”

of course, this is all predicated on the notion that the lockout ends, and they actually have a season in 2011.

Peyton Hillis

2K Sports Owes Stevie Richards…One Million Dollars

March 11, 2011

it’s true, it’s damn true! former ECW wrassler and avid gamer/techie, Steven Richards (real name Michael Manna), threw a perfect game in Major League Baseball 2K11. this is newsworthy b/c 2K Sports has a contest where if you throw a perfect game, you win $1 million. sure enough, there was a loophole, in that the contest doesn’t actually start until April 1. total and utter bullshit, seeing as how the game was released on March 8.

I gotta hand it to Stevie, he has taken it all in stride. he wasn’t even thinking that he had won the million, banking on there being some stipulations (three pages worth of them!) he hasn’t made a big deal about the million, and is content to bask in the glory of being the first person to achieve a perfect game.

Stevie Richards Screwed Out of 2K11 Million?
check out Stevie’s T4 show