Archive for the ‘wrasslin’’ Category

WrestleMania (Isn’t Wrestling) Part, the 31st

March 29, 2015

this has truly been one of the more lackluster build-ups to the grandaddy of them all, WrestleMania! the biggest news heading into this year’s event is that Brock Lesnar re-signed with the “E” for another three years. I like Brock, he’s one of the few reasons I still follow wrasslin’ having Paul Heyman as his mouthpiece more than compensates for what Brock lacks in mic skills. it seems as tho Vinman has finally cooled to the idea of Roman Reigns being the next big thing. Reigns was a slam dunk to win the title on Sunday, prior to Brock re-signing. I like Reigns potential, but he is clearly not ready to headline WrestleMania. will the Rock show up to lay the groundwork for a match with Brock at next year’s WrestleMania? it certainly should help deflect some of the “X-Pac heat” Reigns is sure to generate when he hits the ring. here are my predictions for the show:

Brock Lesnar d. Roman Reigns – Brock enters this match as the unlikeliest of mega babyfaces and will win clean, but the Rock shows up and lays out the champ. Seth Rollins (fresh off his win over Orton) sees the opportunity to try and cash in his Money in the Bank briefcase. an overconfident Rollins hits Brock with multiple curb stomps, but Brock kicks out at 2, and then goes on a rampage, no-selling all of Seth’s subsequent offense. Brock F5s Rollins and J&J Security all in one move, and covers them to retain.

Bray Wyatt d. Undertaker – with Taker’s streak over, there’s no reason Bray should not go over. Bray has done an exemplary job of carrying this feud by himself for the past coupla months, and this win would help solidify his status as a main-eventer. plus, it would be a measure of revenge for Bray’s daddy losing to Taker at the Royal Rumble in 1995.

John Cena d. Rusev – this match has all the trappings of a Hulk Hogan vs. Nikolai Volkoff feud from 30 years ago. John Cena defending America’s honour by taking back the US title from the evil empire. does this feud continue after Mania, or will Rusev and Lana be re-packaged as FOB Lithuanian breakdancing enthusiasts?

Sting d. Triple H – a feud that’s been simmering since Survivor Series. the final WCW guy to wrassle in a WWE ring. this storyline has kinda devolved the last few weeks, so it’s no surprise that rumours abound of Trips going over. it’s 50/50 at best that Sting even wrestles another match after this. if Sting loses, it just proves the theory that Vinman never wanted WCW guys to look strong in WWE, and esp. not on the biggest show of the year!

Seth Rollins d. Randy Orton – this match has the potential to steal the show, and I could see either one of these guys winning. Rollins proved he was ready for the main event after his showing at the Royal Rumble. along with help from the Authority, he put Orton out of action for several months. if Rollins loses, I have a feeling he will cash in his MITB briefcase at the end of the show. either way, I think he will be involved in the main event to some extent.

Daniel Bryan wins the IC ladder match – Sheamus could be a surprise entrant in this match. I could see him and Bryan being the last two standing, and after Bryan claims the belt. Sheamus goes to congratulate Daniel after the match, but then goes full blown heel by attacking him instead. Sheamus is much better as a heel.

AJ Lee & Paige d. the Bella Twins – rumours of divorce began swirling this week when AJ unfollowed CM Punk on Twitter. in other news, Nikki Bella is a pretty good heel. maybe this will be when Brie turns on Nikki.

Ryback wins the Andre the Giant memorial battle royal – on a very short list that includes Curtis Axel and Mizdow. this match was bumped to the pre-show, so perhaps the battle royal will lead to a match on the main card. hopefully, we will finally get that Miz vs. Mizdow match!

Cesaro and Kidd retain the tag titles – what a shame that the tag team division has fallen into obscurity. they can’t even find 10 minutes in a 4 hour show to showcase what talent they do have.

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Sunday Night Raw

February 22, 2015

five weeks out from WrestleMania, WWE makes a pit stop in the King’s hometown of Memphis, for Fastlane. after months of buildup, Triple H and Sting will finally have their first ever face-to-face meeting inside a WWE ring, to set up their Mania match, and possibly also exchange good housekeeping tips. could it be, that the best part of the “pay per view” occurs on the pre-show when Paul Heyman makes an appearance on Miz TV? any time Paul has a mic, it’s always best for business! here’s a look at the rest of the card:

Roman Reigns vs. Daniel Bryan – it appears as tho for the second year in a row, the IWC has hijacked the main event at Mania, and Vinman will insert DB into another triple threat match for the title. I doubt Brock will make an appearance during the match, but this will probably end in a double countout.

Rusev d. John Cena – there were those backstage that were concerned with the labeling of John Cena as “the old veteran” but technically it’s true. he’ll be 38 in a coupla months, he’s been on the main roster since 2002, and the face of the company for almost a decade. this is sure to be a rematch at Mania, where the golden shovel will triumph over “the Evil Empire”

Usos d. Cesaro & Kidd – tag teams are clearly an afterthought as witnessed by Reigns and Bryan running roughshod thru the entire division a coupla weeks ago on Smackdown. sadly, The Ascension are being groomed as the next tag champs, so I see the Usos retaining.

Stardust d. Goldust – too bad they didn’t save this match for Mania, but if this is indeed the blowoff to the feud, hopefully it means Stardust will go back to being Cody Rhodes.

Dolph Ziggler, Ryback, and Erick Rowan d. Seth Rollins, Big Show, and Kane – Seth Rollins has the world by the balls! he’s Mr. Money in the Bank, his fiance posted pics of his junk online, and he’s involved in a “twittah war” with Jon Stewart. how did he get involved in this throwaway six-man tag match?!? will there be a Randy Orton sighting here? Dolph pins Kane

Bad New Barrett d. Dean Ambrose – after weeks of politicking, harassing, etc. Dean gets his IC title shot against Barrett. BNB hasn’t exactly looked that strong since winning the belt from Dolph Ziggler on the first Raw of 2015. the Mania rematch quotient is high in this one.

Nikki Bella d. Paige – it’s been a while, but WWE finally has another halfway decent divas feud on their hands. Nikki has become the division’s best heel, and should pick up the win here. Paige continues to give chase, heading into Mania.

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FACK THE JOHN CENA!!!

Roman Reigns In Blood at the Rectal Rumble

January 25, 2015

this Sunday marks the 28th annual WWE Royal Rumble pay per view, emanating live and direct from Philadelphia. a year ago, the Pittsburgh crowd took a huge, steaming dump all over the event. the IWC darling, Daniel Bryan, lost clean to Bray Wyatt in the show opener (in what proved to be the match of the nite) Brock Lesnar beat the shit out of Big Show, before the bell even rang. the crowd was treated to Cena vs. Orton for the WWE title for the 4027th time. and when Rey Mysterio came out #30 in the Rumble match, that’s when the crowd went from hostile to downright volatile.

there was no Bryan, and Vinman’s proclamation of the returning Batista winning the Rumble had been set in motion. I like Batista b/c he’s a DC guy, and it’s nice to see that he’s established himself in Hollywood after wrasslin. while certainly not on the level as the Rock, he was quite good in Guardians of the Galaxy, and he continues to book steady work, but I digress. Roman Reigns set the new mark for most eliminations in a Rumble with 12 (breaking Kane’s previous record of 11 set in 2001) before he was lastly eliminated by Batista.

this would also end up being CM Punk’s final appearance, as he abruptly left the company after the show. I’m a CM Punk fan, and I was disappointed just as much as anyone else, when he quit. he has his reasons for leaving, and the bottom line is he doesn’t really owe the fans shit.

this year’s show is a Teddy Long special as we have four tag team matches (including pre-show) on the card. there’s also the triple threat match for the WWE title between the reigning champion, Brock Lesnar, the Money in the Bank holder, Seth Rollins, and the golden shovel, John Cena. say what you will about Brock, the man is a smart businessman, if nothing else. after signing a one-year deal worth a reported $5 million in 2012 (he renewed for 2 years in 2013)  the man will be wrestling in his 10th match in the last 33 months. after throwing around Cena like a rag doll at Summer Slam to win the title, this will be Lesnar’s second title defense, and the first time he will have wrestled since September. now if you figure conservatively that Lesnar was making a base salary of $5 million a year, he will have earned roughly $1.5 million for each match!

for the first time in quite a while, there are no previous Rumble winners being advertised to appear in the match. that being said, 2009 winner Randy Orton will probably make his return, and maybe the 2012 winner, Sheamus. Bo Dallas is due to make his return from injury. extreme pot smoker, Rob Van Dam, is supposed to be making an appearance. the Dudley Boyz and DDP were also rumoured to be in talks to appear. Chris Jericho has been working the house show circuit and will be in Philly this weekend, so there’s an outside chance he could be there. former NXT champion, Adrian Neville, is supposedly the next talent to be called up to the main roster, so he might be in the Rumble.

as of this writing, 17 of 30 participants have been confirmed. the odds-on favourite is golden shovel 2.0, Roman Reigns. the flaws in both his ringwork and mic skills were masked thanks to fellow Shield members, Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins. many have accused Reigns of having fewer moves than Cena. hairwhip, Superman punch, grunt, repeat. the promos he’s been cutting during his feud with the Big Show have just been gawdawful. I guess the only question is will Vinman go forward with his plans of Reigns vs. Lesnar at Mania? will Reigns break his own record and eliminate 13 superstars from the match? or will Vinman pull a swerve and go with someone like Daniel Bryan? rest assured, if Reigns does win, you can expect a reaction from the Philly crowd something akin to the time they cheered Michael Irvin, as they were carting him off the field with a career-ending spinal cord injury, during a Cowboys-Eagles game in 1999.

the Rumble match is not all about who wins tho, as there are plenty of mid-card feuds that can be elevated or take shape. I read an interesting theory the other day concerning Goldust and Stardust. what if Goldust eliminates Stardust, only to have Stardust return later in the match as Cody Rhodes, and eliminate Goldust. a lot of folks in the IWC have been clamouring for a Cody vs. Dustin match at Mania, but I don’t think it happens this year. but yes, I would love to see this theory come to fruition.

the Miz and Damien Mizdow is another singles feud just waiting to happen. ever since Mizdow became Miz’s stunt double, they’ve been slowly building toward a Mizdow face turn. they’re scheduled to compete in a tag title match vs. the Usos earlier in the evening, so we may see a glimpse of what’s to come when they enter the Rumble match. Damien Sandow has had some shit gimmicks to work with over the past coupla years. the epitome of that old saying “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” his imitation of X-Pac this past week on RAW was spot on and fucking hilarious! when he finally does turn face, he deserves a serious singles push. he is arguably one of the most over wrasslers on the roster today.

other wrasslers to keep an eye on in the Rumble include another IWC darling, Dolph Ziggler, who returns after being “fired” a coupla weeks ago. two years ago, he lasted almost 50 minutes in the Rumble and I could easily see him getting an early number and wind up being one of the final four. Dolph is the greatest seller since Mr. Perfect and is arguably the hardest worker on the roster, so of course he won’t win.

Daniel Bryan is back after spending nine moths recovering from neck surgery. he’s looked good in the handful of times he’s competed, tho doctors have advised him he won’t be able to use the same moveset he was known for prior to his injury. I think he gets a later number, like 21, and ends up being another one of the final four.

Rusev’s anti-American gimmick has gotten awfully stale, and if it wasn’t for Lana, he probably wouldn’t even be on tv, or possibly even back in NXT (not like that would necessarily be a bad thing) it looked like he would be feuding with Ryback, but that was derailed when Ryback was “fired” rumour has it that Rusev could be on a collision course with Cena at Mania, which would cause a lot of IWC members to pre-emptively declare his career dead and buried. I hope he has a deep run in the Rumble match, and ideally I would like to see him eliminate Reigns.

Cesaro has been the most under-utilized talents of the last year. he won the Andre the Giant battle royal at Mania, became a Paul Heyman guy, criticized Orton and Cena, and then dropped off the radar. he’s been relegated to the pre-show match along with his partner Tyson Kidd, who comprise the most athletically-gifted tag team on the roster. Kofi Kingston is also involved in this match, and seeing as how it’s become a tradition of him performing outlandish feats to avoid elimination, I hope he makes an appearance in the Rumble match.

Bray Wyatt has been booked strong since surviving his near career-ending loss to Cena at last year’s Mania. word is he could be headed for a meeting with the Undertaker at Mania (assuming Taker can go) and should continue to be booked strong in his first Rumble match (second if you count his 2011 appearance as Husky Harris)

if you’re looking for a dark horse, look no further than Dean Ambrose, who is coming off losses in feuds to both Wyatt and Seth Rollins. he has no momentum heading into the Rumble, but is still very much over with the crowd thanks to his Brian Pillman-lite persona. Ambrose winning the Rumble would be nothing short of a major swerve.

Kane will be making his record 18th appearance in the Rumble and needs just one more elimination to set the all-time mark for most career eliminations (currently tied with Shawn Michaels at 39) he has been relegated to enhancement talent with his “Corporate Kane” gimmick, but he deserves to break the record. the best “big man” of the modern era to have never won a Rumble.

bold ass match predictions:

Adam Rose, Cesaro, and Tyson Kidd d. New Day – a kickoff match worthy of midcard filler material on a 3-hour episode of RAW. plenty of talent on display, but it would be a shame if some of these guys don’t get spots in the Rumble. this is an elimination match, so maybe the survivors win numbers.

The Usos (c) d. The Miz and Damien Mizdow – the Usos should retain, as the match will be more about teasing the split between Miz and Mizdow. it’s been a real treat watching Mizdow perform his theatrics outside the ring during their matches, but the time is right for him to get back to being a singles competitor.

The Ascension d. New Age Outlaws – The Ascension appeared dead on arrival when they made their main roster debut on the final RAW of 2014. the in your face Illuminati imagery used in their entrance video and ring attire, coupled with their cornball promos and insistence that every other tag team they are accused of emulating (namely LOD and Demolition) sucked, has made crowds rather indifferent toward them. after the beatdown they took at the hands of the Outlaws (and JBL) this past week on RAW, they can only go up from here, right?!?

Brock Lesnar (c) d. John Cena and Seth Rollins – Brock is on his way to UFC, when his contract expires after Mania. that being said, he should still be champion when that show rolls around. Rollins being added to the match doesn’t make a whole lotta sense, since he’s already the Money in the Bank winner, but he’ll probably be used just to make sure Cena doesn’t win, thus furthering the feud for at least another month. all signs point to Seth being the next Paul Heyman guy, following Brock’s departure.

Paige and Natalya d. the Bella Twins – Xavier help me, they’re actually booking a halfway decent feud in the divas division. since Nikki’s title isn’t on the line, I suspect Brie will do the job, paving the way for the culmination to this feud at Mania.

Roman Reigns wins the Royal Rumble – this is what Vinman wants after the IWC (and CM Punk, to a certain extent) forced him to put “B+ player” Daniel Bryan in the main event of last year’s Mania. 27 has been the luckiest number, in terms of previous Rumble winners (4), so why not have Reigns be the latest. he last eliminates Bryan, causing audience members to litter the ring with folding chairs while a chorus of “E-C-DUB!” rings throughout the arena.

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Bold Ass Money In The Bank Presictions

July 14, 2013

of all the “B” pay per views the WWE puts on, this is the only one I have a genuine interest in. if for no other reason, than the possibility of seeing someone cash in their briefcase. the card looks pretty good this year, and the ladder matches themselves, usually produce several quality bumps. here’s a look at the card and my picks for each match:

John Cena (c) vs. Mark Henry for the WWE Championship – Mark Henry is the best heel in the WWE right now, so it’s only natural, that they feed him to Super Cena. I can only hope Henry softens up SuperCena, so someone can cash in their MITB briefcase after the match. WINNER: SUPERCENA

Alberto Del Rio (c) vs. Dolph Ziggler for the World Heavyweight Championship – Dolph returned several weeks ago following a concussion, becoming face during a double turn with Del Rio. ADR is brutal to watch as a heel, and even moreso, now that Ricardo Rodriguez has been suspended for a wellness violation. this could be the only match to feature a title change. WINNER: DOLPH ZIGGLER

All-Star MITB Ladder Match: CM Punk vs. Daniel Bryan vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Christian vs. Randy Orton vs. Sheamus – as long as Sheamus doesn’t win, I’ll be satisfied. Orton deserves to be back in the main event picture. Christian is basically enhancement talent at this point. nice to see RVD back, but no way he wins. word is Punk vs. Lesnar is a done deal for Summer Slam. Kane was pulled from the match, following an attack by the Wyatt family. Daniel Bryan should win, and possibly cash in following the Cena/Henry match. WINNER: DANIEL BRYAN

World Heavyweight Championship Ladder match: Dean Ambrose vs. Cody Rhodes vs. Damien Sandow vs. Wade Barrett vs. Fandango vs. Jack Swagger vs. Antonio Cesaro – Cody Rhodes is most deserving to win. Fandango’s gimmick is already stale as hell. Jack Swagger is still being punished after his DUI/marijuana bust. Cesaro can’t get over with the crowd. Wade Barrett’s push is stuck in neutral. Damien Sandow is good, but not quite ready. Dean Ambrose is already the United States champion, so the idea of him cashing in and having both the US and WHC belts, would sustain interest in The Shield. WINNER: DEAN AMBROSE

Curtis Axel (c) vs. The Miz – it was too soon for Axel to get the IC title, but then again, those mid-card belts don’t quite hold the same prestige they did twenty or thirty years ago. that being said, Axel would benefit from a lengthy title run. WINNER: CURTIS AXEL

AJ Lee (c) vs. Kaitlyn – AJ still hasn’t responded to our tweets requesting that she wear an asslees pantsuit in this match. WINNER: AJ LEE

Chris Jericho vs. Ryback – if anyone is capable of making Ryback look good, it’s Y2J. WINNER: RYBACK

Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns (c) vs. The Usos – in the clusterfuck that is the tag team division, WWE creative randomly decided to give the Usos a title shot. WINNER: REIGNS & ROLLINS

ultimately, I don’t think either Bryan or Ambrose will cash in at the pay per view, altho Bryan is the more likely of the two. Ices his intention to cash in at Summer Slam. Ambrose will probably take his sweet time cashing in (like not until sometime around WrestleMania) I like the current direction of The Shield, so they don’t need to blow their load by giving him both the US and WHC titles. as Lemmy once sang “the chase is better than the catch”

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…And That’s Why John Cena Should Put The Rock Over At WrestleMania

March 26, 2012

someone posted the Once In A Lifetime video hyping the upcoming showdown between The Rock and John Cena this Sunday, at WrestleMania. let me save u save u about 40 minutes. it’s nothing u haven’t seen before. interviews, clips, backstage stuff, etc. looks like it took Vinman’s PR department all of about 15 minutes to edit together, from previous John Cena and Rock WWE DVDs. I’m just ready for this shit to be over with. let’s get to my bold ass WrestleMania predictions. FYI, the only match I incorrectly picked from last year’s event was Edge-ADR.

The Rock vs. John Cena – did they hype this match for an entire year, just so The Rock could come back to his hometown, and put John Cena over?!? HELL NO! there’s nothing to be gained from having Cena win this match, b/c the Rock will be gone again for another 3 or 4 months. Cena is the ultimate company guy, and regardless of any legitimate heat the two may have, he knows WWE is better served by Rock going over. Cena is the most over wrassler of the current generation, but he will NEVER reach the heights Rock and Austin did back in the Attitude Era. what will absolutely suck, is if they go thru with the terrible idea of having The Miz do a run-in, and costing Cena the match. I want Rock to win, but it needs to be a clean win.
CM Punk vs. Chris Jericho – who really is the best in the world? for my money, Y2J is still the best, but I think Punk retains. either way, this will end up being the best match on the card!
Undertaker vs. Triple H – Hell In A Cell to go 20-0. the following nite on RAW, they will book Trips-HBK for Mania 29.
Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus – the least-talked about world title match in the history of sports entertainment. Daniel Bryan is currently boning one of the Bella twins, so that’s a good enough reason to pick him to retain.
Team Laryngitis vs. Team Long – this was supposedly the Money In The Bank spot, but in lieu of Wade Barrett’s elbow injury, we get this clusterfuck of a match. I’m going to assume Alberto Del Rio (Laryngitis) and Rey Mysterio (Long) will round out the 6-man teams. the mid-card division is incredibly weak, and would benefit from a Miz face turn. Team Laryngitis to win, with Dolph Ziggler carrying this match.
Cody Rhodes vs. Big Show – I would rather see Cody wrestle Goldust with Big Dust as the special guest referee…
Randy Orton vs. Kane – b/c creative had absolutely nothing for either one of these guys.
some type of Divas thingy – this will probably be the only time of the year fans will actually give a shit about the womens division, so can we PLEASE get Beth Phoenix vs. Kharma?!?

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Happy Austin 3:16 Day Says I Just Stole The Sandman’s Gimmick

March 16, 2012

before he became the most beer-drinkinest, mudhole-stompinest, sumbitch on the planet. before he headlined WrestleMania with The Rock. before he became Stone Cold, before he was the Ringmaster. and after his epic stint with Brian Pillman, as one-half of the Hollywood Blondes. Steve Austin was working in ECW…with a full head of hair!

while he never held the ECW world heavyweight championship, one of his more memorable feuds during his brief stint with the company, was with The Sandman. the guy who came to the ring with Enter Sandman blaring over the PA, carrying a can of Budweiser, and a kendo stick. with a cigarette dangling from his mouth, and accompanied to the ring by Woman (RIP)

I had the privilege to be sprayed in the face with a Budweiser by The Sandman at an ECW house show in January 2000, and met him and Bill Alfonso afterwards. Fonzie autographed my copy of High Times magazine, which was fuckin’ awesome! sadly, I lost it shortly after I left college.

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Rock To Cena: “I Can Haz Teleprompter?!?”

February 29, 2012

not since George Costanza performed an intricate sexual maneuver on a lady friend in the Seinfeld episode “The Fusilli Jerry” has so much controversy surrounded the use of crib notes. the Rock returned to RAW this past Monday, to let John Cena know that he was scheduled to drop more F-bombs on various basic cable talk shows, but that their feud was important to him. Cena took umbrage with that, saying Rock doesn’t spend enough time with him, and that he misses playing XBOX and swapping recipes, like they used to. Rock got a little teary-eyed, and said he was miffed that Cena didn’t comment on Facebook, about that pic Rock posted of the two of them at Space Mountain. Cena offered Rock an autographed box of Fruity Pebbles, but Rock waved Cena off, and called him the goofiest, eggplant-lookinest, sumbitch on the planet! Cena noticed that Rock had something written on his arm. Rock said it was just a list of all the wrasslers who have had their dengus slobbered by Kelly Kelly. Cena pressed on, asking why Rock had terms like “Candy-Ass”, “Jabroni”, and “Boots-2-Asses” written down. Rock told Cena to slow his role, gave him complimentary passes to Journey 2: The Mysterious Island, and vowed that his teleprompter would be up and running again in two weeks. in the interim, The Miz offered to let Cena squash him again next week.

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bad news for all u Goldust fans out there, who were hoping Vinman would give Dustin his dream match at Mania, against little bro, Cody. it was announced at last nite’s Smackdown tapings that Cody will be defending the IC title against The Big Show. speaking of Mania matches that no one wants to see, with Wade Barrett out, Randy Orton may be headed for a feud with Kane. Kharma is pretty close to returning to full-time action. but as of right now, her Divas title match with Beth Phoenix, may end up being left off the main card.

Don’t Fuck With New Jack!!!

February 23, 2012

on the list of the all-time greats of ECW, New Jack is in my top 10. as good as Vinman’s The Rise and Fall of ECW DVD is, the fact that they made no mention of New Jack, is downright blasphemous. he’s the only wrestler I know that has his entrance music (Dre & Cube’s Natural Born Killaz) playing thruout his matches. a one-of-a-kind talent, whom only a true wrestling genius like Paul Heyman, knew how to successfully market.

I still remember the 15-ft fall he took off a scaffolding, during a match with Vic Grimes in 2000. they ended up landing on the concrete floor, with Grimes landing on New Jack’s head, causing NJ to suffer brain damage, and permanently blinding him in his right eye. in terms of believability of one’s in-ring persona, New Jack is the realest motherfucker on the planet!

a coupla days ago, he was working an indy gig somewhere in Florida, when Brian Knobbs showed up in the locker room area. apparently, Knobbs is notorious for rubbing ppl the wrong way. most notably, when he made some ill-advised comments shortly after the passing of Macho Man Randy Savage. there’s some audio posted below of New Jack giving his take on what happened, but the end result is that he knocked Knobbs the fuck out!!!

…And That’s Why Wade Barrett Should Have Won The Royal Rumble

February 21, 2012

if only the WWE was smart enough to have me on their booking committee, they could’ve put their best heel over in a career-defining match, and he would’ve been on his way to headlining Mania. they instead went with Sheamus to win the Rumble. no offence to Sheamus, b/c he is worthy of a Rumble win, and a top spot at Mania, that goes along with it. but, Wade would’ve had the most to gain from winning the Rumble. it would’ve firmly cemented him as a main-eventer.

so he had to compete in the Smackdown Elimination Chamber this past Sunday, where he may have re-aggravated an arm injury. last nite on RAW, he competed in a 10-Man battle royal to face CM Punk for the WWE title at Mania. Jericho won, but that wasn’t the real story. a lot of guys walked away from that match banged up. Barrett’s injury occurred when Big Show tossed Dolph Ziggler out of the ring, on to Barrett and R-Truth. Barrett fell back awkwardly on the announce table, and word is he dislocated his elbow. Ziggler may have received a concussion, and Truth needed to be helped to the back, following the match. word is that Barrett may miss Mania, and the biggest payday of the year.

if Barrett can’t go, then Randy Orton may get thrown into the Sheamus-Daniel Bryan match or possibly the Money In The Bank match. if Barrett had won the Rumble, as I was angling for, he wouldn’t have had to compete in the Elimination Chamber or the battle royal. he could’ve continued his run as the most dominant heel on the roster, squashing mid-carders, and cutting some of the best damn promos in the biz.

all three of my Elimination Chamber predictions came thru. it’s a damn shame Vegas doesn’t take odds on wrasslin’ matches. I could’ve retired by now. Santino Marella is being pushed more for his in-ring skills, than just his comedy chops. he looked pretty good at EC, and during last nite’s battle royal. Triple H vs. Undertaker at Mania inside Hell In A Cell = 20-0! Cena vowed to beat Rock at Mania, but not before Eve admitted that she used Zack Ryder, in their lame feud with Cena against Kane. how about Kane, huh? the ambulance match with Cena was just as bad and predictable as I imagined it would be. The Rock will be back next week to give RAW that 0.3 ratings boost. Ron Simmons will be inducted into Vinman’s Hall of Fame this year…DAMN!!!

wrasslin’ is fake, but it don’t mean motherfuckers don’t get hurt!

Bold Ass Elimination Chamber Predictions

February 14, 2012

WWE Championship:
CM Punk (c) vs. Chris Jericho vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. R-Truth vs. The Miz vs. Kofi Kingston – it’s been tough sledding for Miz after botching a spot that caused R-Truth to get injured during last week’s main event on RAW. on top of that, Miz was blamed for the low Survivor Series buyrate. they had Rock and Cena on the same team, and booking did absolutely nothing in the weeks leading up to their match, to make Miz and R-Truth look like credible opponents. they are advertising CM Punk vs. Dolph Ziggler for shows in March. it would be more intriguing if Punk was chasing Jericho for the title heading into Mania. but when’s the last time the booking committee did anything that made sense? Punk to retain

World Heavyweight Championship:
Daniel Bryan (c) vs. Big Show vs. Randy Orton vs. Wade Barrett vs. Cody Rhodes vs. Great Khali – I’m not even sure Khali can fit inside one of those pods. maybe they’ll have him start the match against either Bryan or Rhodes. talk about a clash of styles! Barrett should pin Orton to keep that feud building to their match at Mania. it will be interesting to see how weak they can make Bryan look, while still managing to retain his title, and piss off the crowd with his overdone celebrations. Bryan to retain

John Cena vs. Kane – before he can get to the Rock at Mania, John Cena must embrace the hate in an epic ladder match against Kane. a set of keys hangs above the ring, whereby Cena must ascend a 10-foot ladder to retrieve them. he must then go to the back, and drive an ambulance into the ring, pinning Kane’s lifeless body underneath. to show that he has truly embraced the hate, Cena wheels Zack Ryder’s crippled body into the ring, to apologize for kissing Eve. as Ryder hobbles away, Cena lays him out with an F-U, followed up with a five-knuckle shuffle all over Eve’s face. thus putting an end to the early favourite for worst feud of 2012!

and what will they do with the Royal Rumble winner, Sheamus?!? perhaps an epic three-way dance-off with Brodus Clay and William Regal…

Cena-Kane