Adventure Time Asks “Can’t We All Just Get Along?”

Adventure Time aired a Thanksgiving special, with an episode that didn’t center around Finn & Jake. a Snow Golem befriends a baby Firewolf. they are mortal enemies, due to the fact that Firewolves can incinerate anything they come in contact with. I guess there is that whole “I don’t wanna melt if I touch a Firewolf” issue going on with the Snow Golems. one nite, the Snow Golem hears the Firewolf’s pack crying out for their missing baby, so he sets off to return it. on his way back home, the Snow Golem is approached by Firewolves (including the baby) Finn & Jake have been battling the Ice King this whole time. but, they have a change of heart, when they see the Snow Golem and Firewolf reunited, and it feels so good…

XianZ: +8
netflix: 4
imdb: 9

I Blame [adult swim] For The Problem Solverz Being Cancelled

I was checkin’ out this nice chunk-a-chicken, who was checkin’ out a nice chunk-a-chicken, over by our SLR display:

“excuse me, sir. can u tell me about this Nikon D3100?”
“of course not. I shoot with a Canon Rebel T2i! IN YOUR FACE, BEYOTCH! hey, I see you’ve got a copy of Adventure Time. that show is pretty bad ass. do u also watch The Problem Solverz?”
“yeah, I’ve seen it, it’s terrible.”
“oh, my bad, I didn’t mean “The Problem Solvers” episode of 30 Rock. I meant the animated show on Cartoon Network.”
“I know, and I said I didn’t like it.”
“are u sure you’re talking about The Problem Solverz? the one with the “Z”
“YES! it stinks, I’m glad it got cancelled!”
I was so distraught by our brief interaction that I left early on my 3-hour lunch break.

sadly, this woman’s opinion seems to be the general consensus of those that have seen the show. who is to blame for The Problem Solverz demise? when the show originally debuted, it was called Neon Knome, but [adult swim] didn’t think it fit their programming module, so they re-tooled it as TPS for Cartoon Network. ratings were mediocre at best, and the message boards were flooded with 12 year-olds complaining that the show wasn’t funny, and that the animation style caused seizures. TPS is not a show that’s geared toward CN’s core demographic!!! the decision by [as] to pass on the show, is ultimately what doomed it. they could’ve made it one of their Sunday nite warm-up shows, as a lead-in for headliner shows like ATHF or Robot Chicken, but their anti-PFFR bias clouded their better judgment. the show was cancelled after the first season, but then was renewed. there are six unaired episodes that will probably be burned off somewhere down the line, but it’s highly unlikely that they will return with a third season. fuck everyone who hated this show!

Persie Handfisher Is Not Impressed With South Park Season Finale

Family Guy – another rime travel episode, where Stewie and Brian go back to 1999, to find a bone that Brian buried in the yard. flashback to when the show wasn’t very funny, and Lacey Chabert was the voice of Meg. Brian tells his 1999 version about 9/11, thus altering the course of history. Brian becomes a hero by thwarting the hijackers, but the world is worse off for it. there’s a big clusterfuck of time-traveling Brian and Stewie’s. they have a vote on whether to prevent 9/11. there’s an odd number of votes, which they can’t understand, but they must’ve forgot that one Peter came back in time with them. I don’t think I’ll ever be a fan of “9/11 humour”

Adventure Time – Susan Strong returns to enlist Finn & Jake’s help in protecting her home from the Glub-Glubs. Susan is surprised to learn that Finn doesn’t have gills. I’m pretty sure they already addressed this issue in episode 22b, season 2, titled Susan Strong. on the plus side, it reminded me of a temple from Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker game.

South Park – thank goodness the Penn St. sex scandal broke, or else they’d be missing about a third of an episode. a PBR-fueled case of domestic violence, forces Kenny to move in with a family of agnostics. with Kenny gone, Cartman struggles with being the poorest kid in school.

all three shows receive a score of 3/5 and 6/10 on the netflix and imdb scales, respectively. or on the brand spankin’ new ratings scale of -10 to +10, they all get big fat ZEROS. all is not lost tho, as we watched PFFR’s mini-series, The Heart, She Holler, on the same nite. look for my review next week…

Natalie Portman, Open Thine Wormhole!

according to a new special on The History Channel, the Pilgrims and Indians who were at the first Thanksgiving, were actually aliens! they signed a peace treaty to end a brutal war over the stuffing mines. for he who controls the stuffing, controls the universe. Miles Standish falls thru a wormhole to Earth, and must find his way back to Plymouth, to prevent the Indians from taking control of the stuffing mines.

the university holds their faculty-only prom in an abandoned building, once used to conduct experiments on hippies; Steve and Pony make a bet to see who can steal someone else’s date; Baby Cakes (the slow-witted bald white guy, not the black porn star with the phat booty) befriends one of the hippies. how come women never thank me for the sores I leave on their anuses?

The Origin Of Why I Really Started Watching Squidbillies

don’t reckon I taint never not told the story whut made me so affinimatized with that show ’bout them talking hillbilly squids, so I guess I’ll tell it now.

back when I first done seen the show, I tweren’t much impressed in the least. it was one of those shows that was on my radar, but I only watched it occasionally. that all changed when I done sawed the episode whut where Dan Halen genetically engineered them turkeys whut had seven anuses and could defecate their own to go box. yep, twas the miracles of modern science, I tell u whut! well, I reckon I don’t need to tell u how hilarious a premise for an episode this was. Euterpe just happened to be watching with us, but she became so grossed out by the idea of a turkey whut could squirt salad dressing out of one it’s many asses, that she left the room. and so, that’s when I knew I should start watching this show on a regular basis. the season finale is this Sunday. here’s a recap of the last two episodes:

Early becomes addicted to a video poker machine, and ends up in a high-stakes game with Dan Halen

Ga-Ga-Pee-Pap Cuyler returns to say his final goodbyes

both episodes receive 4/5 and 9/10 on the netflix and imdb ratings scales, respectively.

The Heart, She Holler

PFFR’s new mini-series The Heart, She Holler premieres tonite at 12:30 on [adult swim] there will be a new 11-minute episode every day this week, then it all repeats over and over for the month. it stars Patton Oswalt, Kristen Schaal, and Heather Lawless. I found a sizzle reel on youtube (see below) it looks like it’s about three siblings who are feuding over control of a town, left to them in their father’s will. Patton Oswalt’s character appears to be “slow” I’ll try and have a full recap of the mini-series up sometime next week, b/c Xavier knows [adult swim] won’t do shit to promote anything made by PFFR.

Unsuccessfully Coping With The Natural Beauty Of Listening To Two Women Discuss Their Menstrual Cycles

went to Taco Bell, shit just isn’t as filling as I remember. I ordered 4 Soft Taco Supremes, and ended up having to order 3 more. there were some issues with the service, as one woman put it “you’re putting diarrhea on bread, how hard is that?!?” she would later tell us the story of that time she drove 20 minutes on her lunch break, to get a really good chalupa. I had Mountain Dew for the first time, in several months. the alcoholic drink of choice was Sam Clay whiskey.

we watched a video of some kid who was bullied in Australia. he was at least twice the size of his bully, so after the kid hit him, he went into full-on rage mode, and gut-wrench bodyslammed him face-first on the pavement. I felt no sympathy for the kid who got slammed. he claimed that the other kid started it, but why on Earth would u tempt fate by hitting a larger adversary. to quote Xavier: Renegade Angel “just walk away-walk away-walk away…” we watched an interview, which appeared to be heavily coached. it’s like the Australian version of Onion News Network (only they were unintentionally funny)
netflix: 3/5
imdb: 6/10

Mad TV – Gordon Ramsay meets The Nightmare Before Christmas
netflix: 3/5
imdb: 6/10

Good Vibes – new animated show on MTV. surprisingly good cast, I correctly identified Debi Mazar, as the mom. plenty of sexual innuendo when she talked about her previous jobs. this show is like The Karate Kid, if Ralph Macchio had decided to become a stoner, instead of learn karate.
netflix: 3/5
imdb: 6/10

Robot Chicken – Kevin Bacon visits Peanuts, reprising his role in Flashdance.
netflix: 4/5
imdb: 8/10

Adventure Time – zombie outbreak in the Candy Kingdom leaves Finn, Jake, Lady Rainicorn, and Lumpy Space Princess to try and come up with a potion that will reverse the process.
netflix: 4/5
imdb: 8/10

Onion News Network – presidential candidate in a coma; Brooke Alvarez feuds with fellow reporter, O’Brady Shaw; autistic reporter in Afghanistan; Tucker Hunt wears a thought cam; roundtable discussion of the Republican primary debate; part of what makes this show so funny, is Brooke Alvarez’s impeccable timing and delivery. she is what we in “the biz” like to call “a nice chunk-a-chicken”
netflix: 4/5
imdb: 8/10

Squidbillies – the Cuyler family all get jobs at the new Ball-Mart
netflix: 4/5
imdb: 9/10

The Office – James Spader uses everyone’s deepest fears for a cautionary Halloween tale; Dwight wears a costume that makes him look like Slymenstra Hymen of GWAR
netflix: 4/5
imdb: 9/10

South Park – Broadway shows are filled with subtext to get men blowjobs from their wives. I couldn’t stop laughing when Randy was swinging around as Spider-Man. one part “F-U” to Broadway, one part cheap plug for The Book of Mormon.
netflix: 5/5
imdb: 10/10

Beavis and Butt-Head – Beavis and Butt-Head watch Twilight, and try to become werewolves, after being bitten by a homeless man. Beavis is crying (due to onions) Butt-Head makes fun of him for the next 80 years.
netflix: 5/5
imdb: 10/10

Beavis and Butt-Head Re-Birthening

the show that made it totally suck to listen to Winger is back! after a 14-year hiatus, Beavis and Butt-Head returns tonite on MTV. they are still decked out in their Metallica and AC/DC t-shirts, only this time, they hafta pay the bands. MANG, WASSUPWITDAT?!? instead of lampooning music videos, they will be mocking reality shows. this is b/c they are now required to get advance permission, before using music videos.

“It used to be that we could do anything,” Judge said, in an interview with Rolling Stone. “Now we have to clear everything. We were going to do a Kanye West video – he wanted it on, and then somebody who owns, like, six percent of the songwriting said no.”

Beavis and Butt-Head started out in 1992, as an animated short entitled “Frog Baseball” on Liquid Television. the series ran for 200 episodes from 1993-1997. they also did the blockbuster smash-hit film Beavis and Butt-Head Do America (co-starring Demi Moore and Bruce Willis)

Mike Judge went on to do King of the Hill, which aired for 13 seasons on FOX. he is also responsible for a coupla cult classic movies: 1999’s Office Space, and 2006’s Idiocracy

back in the day, me and my friends would imitate Beavis and Butt-Head. usually I would be Beavis, b/c they used to like to call me dumbass, and make jokes about my mom. I had their t-shirts, buttons, dolls, edible underwear. u name it, I had it.

in the pantheon of animated shows, it would be somewhere in my top 5. I will have a full review of their re-launch episode this weekend. as of right now, I am cautiously optimistic…

artwork by spacecoyote, on deviantart.net

Fiscal Conservancy Duly Noted During Trip To Burger King

I took another trip to Burger King. instead of getting a “value meal” I opted to go with items off the dollar menu. two whopper jrs, onion rings, small drink, and a Hershey sundae pie. Wrath von MagicMist noted that I spent 15% less, for more items, than on our previous visit.

Wrath said that Fuddruckers is a great place to get a burger, b/c u can load it up with as many toppings as u like. we both like eating at Five Guys, but only every once in a while. I mentioned that Red Robin had some heady (if somewhat pricey) burgers. it’s the kinda place you’d go to like once a year.

we talked a little bit about the GWAR show at the 9:30 club. neither of us went, but he mentioned that Beyond Hell is a really good album. I’ll be putting that into my heavy rotation soon.

we watched some videos of Wrath and Storm at the firing range on their recent camping trip. “oh, crickets! my gun jammed, guess I’ll wave to the camera.” they took some great pics of the campsite and surrounding areas.

I’m slowly becoming a fan of mixed drinks, or maybe I’m just tired of drinking bottom to mid-shelf liquor, with no chaser. straight shots of whiskey followed by whiskey and cherry coke…in the same glass, FRITATA!!!

Secret Mountain Fort Awesome – this show is on the lower end of our viewing spectrum. Gweelok bets the other Disgustoids that he can go 24 hours without using the internet. if he wins the bet, then he can use the internet as much as he wants. fearing they may be losing their friend, the Disgustoids try to trick Gweelok into using the internet.

netflix: 4/5
imdb: 8/10

Adventure Time – Halloween special. Finn, Jake, Princess Bubblegum, Lumpy Space Princess, Beemo and Cinnamon Bun are invited to a masquerade ball hosted by “a ghost” who is going to kill everyone. Soon, Cinnamon Bun, Beemo, PB, LSP and Jake disappear or die in order, and Finn runs away in fear. Later, it turns out that Cinnamon Bun’s and Beemo’s cases were Finn’s prank, while PB’s, LSP’s and Jake’s cases were Jake’s prank involving Lady Rainicorn, and Jake knew Finn’s plan “months ago”

netflix: 4/5
imdb: 9/10

Karl Pilkington: An Idiot Abroad – Karl visits Alaska to do some whale-watching. but what would be the fun in watching him do that for 44 minutes? Ricky and Stephen have Karl go thru all sorts of obstacles to get there: hiking thru 2 feet of snow, staying in a house with no toilet, sledding to the top of the world (in the middle of nowhere). when he makes it to his final destination, he ends up having to work on a boat, gutting fish. by the time he sees any whales, he is too sick to care.

netflix: 5/5
imdb: 10/10

South Park – a parody of Wikileaks and TMZ. when a student craps his pants, Cartman is hired to prevent him from committing suicide. meanwhile, the other students go in search of the rat, who’s been leaking all these embarrassing stories. Lemmiwinks makes his triumphant return in an episode that was good, but not one of the better ones of the season.

netflix: 4/5
imdb: 8/10

Squdibillies – see my review from October 20, 2011

Food Party: The Brooklyn Years – a three-parter, equivalent to a 22-minute show. Thu cooks a meal for Yolko Oh No. a precursor to what would eventually become the show whut done aired on IFC. hijinks with food and puppets that look like food. Pee-Wee’s Playhouse meets Tim & Eric. it’s a GAWDAMN shame this show is no longer on the air!!!

netflix: 5/5
imdb: 10/10

The Office – no new episode, so we watched some deleted scenes, from season 3.

netflix: n/a
imdb: n/a

my full review of the stoner dark comedy, Hesher, comes tomorrow…

“HEADY SAVINGS, BRAH!”

China, IL: Hulk Hogan’s Best Role Since Suburban Commando

let’s talk about Hulk Hogan. not the washed-up wrestler with his three moves, who’s been past his prime for the last 20+ years, who walks around with a do-rag and calls everyone “BROTHER!” no, let’s talk about Hulk Hogan, the voice actor, on a late-nite animated show that airs on basic cable.

China, IL is an animated show on [adult swim] about life on campus at the worst university in America. the episode I watched centered around two scientists who start fooling around in a lab. they accidentally spill some chemicals on an embryo causing it to grow into a giant baby. with the death toll in the hundreds, the campus debates on what to do about their baby boom. one professor is selling the baby’s blood to blood banks to stay out of debtor’s prison. once that dries up, he plans to kill it, only to be confronted by his brother, who is the baby’s father. they inject the baby with another shot, hoping to reverse the process, but it causes the baby to grow into a 90 year-old adult. the rapid growth, coupled with the lack of time the brain has had to properly develop, has left the man in a catatonic state. they have no choice but to pour acid in his ears, and roll his body into the ocean, BROTHER!!!

this show has a Liquid Television vibe to it. Vernon Chatman (PFFR) was listed as a Consulting Producer on this particular episode. Hulk Hogan plays the Dean. Jason Alexander was listed in the credits (altho I didn’t recognize his voice) Tommy Blacha (Metalocalypse) Andy Richter, and Jeffrey Tambor (Arrested Development) also appeared. I’m gonna hafta put this into my heavy rotation…

netflix: 5/5
imdb: 10/10

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